


Dream Chaser

by aftermathangel



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-08-29 02:31:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 41,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8472112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftermathangel/pseuds/aftermathangel
Summary: When Emmalyn's best friend surprises her with tickets to see Adam Lambert in concert it begins a journey that skirts the line of fantasy and reality causing her to relive Adam's whole life right alongside him. As she works to get his life back on his destined path she learns and experiences more than she could've ever imagined.





	1. 28 Hours

“OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE IT I REALLY CAN NOT BELIEVE IT!!!!!” I squealed jumping around in some kind of dance of pure exuberance before flopping backward on my bed legs kicking up in the air.

My best friend Keegan just looked at me with a silly little grin on his face before playfully poking at my sides. His mom has just won us tickets to see my FAVORITE singer Adam Lambert the next night. I had tried to get tickets since the day they went on sale but the promoter had stupidly booked him at a WAY too small arena and it sold out in less than 10 minutes. In just about 28 hours I would be seeing my idol in the flesh … this was NOT real it was just a crazy dream.

“Well start believing it. This time tomorrow we will be on our way to the concert. So what exactly are you going to wear? Because I’m sure you want to look nothing less than PERFECT for your precious Adam.”

“Shut up!” He laughed as I playfully threw a pillow at him which he easily ducked from. Damn he was lucky he was my best friend and therefore gave him card Blanche to get away with teasing me about Adam. If anyone else tried they would surely get a piece of my mind.

After thinking on an outfit design for a minute, I grabbed some t-shirts I had been hording and walked over to my overflowing fabric cabinet. The next 3 hours were spent glued in front of my sewing machine making THE most kickass black and yellow striped t-shirt dress. Keegan walked in my bedroom with a pizza that my mom had ordered to see me modeling it.

“Oh you sure went all out. It looks good on you … really it does.” For a moment I thought he was teasing me but it only took a second for me to realize he wasn’t. He could be so cute and charming when he wanted to be.

“Thanks … I just don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you for this. This is awesome.” The words barely came out louder than a murmur but he lessened the distance between us stopping in front of me.

“Oh I’ll come up with something don’t you worry your pretty little head.” He playfully teased bringing his hand to my head ruffling my hair simply for his amusement. What a goofball …

He was going to be spending the night at my house since we would be leaving early the next morning to start on the 3 ½ hour journey to the concert. I went to grab an extra pillow from my closet and knocked down a stack of paperwork. With Keegan’s help I started to gather all the papers strewn across the floor.

“You can just put everything on the nightstand Keegs.”

When I turned around and saw what he was holding I scowled. He let out a loud sigh waving it in front of him.

“Why didn’t you turn this in yet?!? The deadline is in 6 days! NYCDA is your dream!”

I sighed shaking my head … it just wasn’t that simple he just didn’t understand. It was dumb of me to even say something to him in the first place about it. Even THINKING of applying was a dumb idea.

“No … I, I’m not good enough to get in. All I’m going to do is set myself up for rejection.”

He looked me deep into the eyes and gently grabbed both of my arms making sure he had my complete attention.

“You never know until you try Em … you are an amazing actress. I believe in you I just wish that you could find it in you to start believing in yourself.”

“My dad won’t let me apply. He said it’s useless …”

Keegan let out a loud grunt balling his fist up in frustration. He HATED the way my dad treated me but there wasn’t really anything he could do about it. At least he wasn’t home all the time and when he was I mostly just stayed in my room alone.

“Screw him! Don’t let him ruin your dream ok?”

“I wish it was that easy …”

He reached over and lifted up my face so that I was looking directly in his eyes. “It is that easy. I’ll break down walls if that helps you get your dream. I believe in you … you just gotta believe in yourself.”

He gave me a hug and then headed to the guest room to get some much needed sleep. My parents had left for the weekend a few hours before and I always hated being alone. After an hour of tossing and turning I got up and walked into the guest room. Keegan looked up from the bed as soon as I walked into the room moving the covers downward.  

“Can’t sleep?” His voice was like a gentle breeze, breathy yet strong even though it was thoroughly laced with sleepiness.

“No … too excited and I hate being alone when my parents aren’t here. Call me a baby I don’t care but every little noise freaks me out when they aren’t here.”

“I don’t really like being alone either. Come here?”

He sat upward and patted the bed next to him. As soon as I joined him as he wrapped his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. He leaned backward on the bed allowing me to cuddle up against his body thoroughly enjoying the feeling of not being alone anymore. I ended up drifting off to sleep snuggled against him safe and protected. When I woke up in the morning I felt his fingers gently running thru my hair but they immediately stopped when he noticed I was stirring.

“Good morning, rise and shine sleeping beauty. You have to get ready for your prince charming.” He playfully teased his face bursting with cheeriness.

My back let out a loud crack as I sat and stretched it hurt but it surely felt good.

“Sorry for falling asleep on you … I didn’t mean to.”

“Oh no problem … it’s ok. This way we both weren’t alone. How about you go get ready and I’ll go make breakfast for us?”

I raised an eyebrow in confusion, he had never cooked for me before. “You’d do that? Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“Aww you’re too sweet. I’m so lucky to have you as my friend.” Leaning forward I gave him a quick hug resting my head on his chest a moment before pulling away.

“You’re a pretty damn good friend yourself Emmalyn Rose. Now go on go get done before I change my mind.”

He playfully patted my arm urging me off the bed to go get done. By the time I got downstairs, he had finished breakfast and carried everything to the table. He made scrambled eggs, toast, and some bacon. We sat there eating mostly in silence which was a bit strange. Keegan was usually a very talkative goofball.

“Keegs … everything ok?”

“Huh …. Oh yeah, everything is fine.” He stumbled over his words a bit the only noise in the room were the clinks of his fork on the plate as he poked at another piece of scrambled egg.

“You sure?”

“Yeah … I’m ok Em. Just happy that I’m able to give you one of your dreams. You deserve that.”

“Awe thanks …” Damn he was such a loveable goober sometimes, he made me feel so damn special.

Without saying anything else he walked back upstairs to get ready. He was acting so weird, I knew SOMETHING more than that had to be up. I definitely didn’t want to push him though he was taking me to see Adam after all. The time was passing slowly so I found myself cleaning up all the dishes. Tapping on my shoulder interrupted me and then hands slowly turned me around. Keegan stood there holding a small box.

“I made you something … I was going to give it to you for your birthday but you can have it early. Just might bring you some luck tonight.”

I gave him a confused look and slowly opened the box. Inside was a necklace and he had fashioned the pendant out of resin. Suspended in the middle was a dandelion seed. I stood there in awe … it was so simple but so perfect. After throwing my arms around him I just stood there holding him tightly.

“You’re the best Keegs. Thank you so much. Here help me put it on.”

He slowly clasped the chain around my neck and then looked at his watch.

“Are you ready? We should probably get going. I would rather be there early and have to kill time grabbing dinner than be late.”


	2. Thanks To You

We spent the whole drive singing along to the radio, one of our favorite activities. It was only 5pm when we got there so we found a small restaurant and grabbed an outdoor table overlooking the lake that was adjacent to it. I had finished my pasta and was munching on some garlic bread when I noticed him staring at me with a peaceful smile on his face.

“What … do I have some sauce on my chin or something?” I questioned reaching my hand up and grabbing at my chin trying to find something there.

“No …”

“Cheese? A noodle?”

“No.” He laughed one of his giggly laughs the ones that come from down deep. I loved when I was the reason behind one of them.

“Then what is it?”

“Emmalyn I …”

He was interrupted by some fanfare over across the street at the venue. It seemed as those some antigay protest had started and the glamberts weren’t going to take it. We quickly paid for our bill and headed over toward the ruckus. Everyone was up in each other’s faces screaming and it was hard to figure out where everything had started. I noticed a bloodied boy about our age in the middle trying hard to get away. A guy from the protest was about to grab him again when in a split second I found myself in between the both of them pushing the kid toward Keegan and to safety. The guy just looked at me about to give me a rough shove when Keegan got in front of me lightly pushing me backward away from the guy.

“HEY don’t you even THINK about putting your hands on a woman!!”

“She’s just trash … let me guess you got suckered into taking that bitch there to the concert.” The guy was full of vile anger so much so that it made me sick to my stomach.

“Watch your mouth first off, that girl as more class in her pinky than you have in your whole body. And for your information I wasn’t suckered into going anywhere I chose to go with her.” I had never seen Keegan this defensive and angry. He was usually such a kind hearted easy going guy.

“Oh so you’re a faggot too.” The guy cracked his knuckles and took a step toward Keegan in some kind of intimidation tactic.

“No wrong again it’s just not your night tonight bro. I’ll tell you what you might have a little more luck if you get your head out of your ass.”

He swung at Keegan when the cops finally showed up and they all scattered like cockroaches. I immediately walked over to the teen who was sitting against a wall with a girl. I leaned down and looked at him concern apparent on my face. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah just a little scratched up. I’ll be ok thanks to you.”

“It was nothing … you’re welcome.” When the words came out of my mouth his friend looked up at me with bright eyes and gently grabbed my arm.

“You saved his life … it could’ve been A LOT worse if it wasn’t for you and your boyfriend.”

“Oh he’s not my boyfriend but thanks.”

A medic had come over to check him out so I stood up and walked over to Keegan who stood there all stiffened up still on high alert.

“You’re ok right? He didn’t hurt you?” He looked me deep in the eyes worry apparent on his face.

“No … no I’m fine. Thanks for protecting me. Are you ok?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine … come on we should probably go in.”

He grabbed my arm as if to make sure I was safe and together we walked into the venue and found our seats. They weren’t on the floor but they were in the 100 level right by the stage so I couldn’t really complain. I didn’t think I would need a coat but for whatever reason they decided it needed to be the temperature of Antarctica in the building. Keegan saw me shiver a bit and immediately took off his jacket.

“No … no that’s ok.”

“I insist …”

He gently draped it over my bare arms and I smiled sheepishly at him. God he was being so sweet. As I stood there I recalled his behavior at the restaurant and the protest interrupting his train of thought.

“Oh yeah … what did you want to tell me at the restaurant?”

“Oh … it was nothing I’ll tell you later.” He immediately looked away like he was hiding something and it nearly broke my heart.

“You sure?”

“Yeah not here … we’ll talk later ok?”

“Oh … ok.”

The excitement started to build and I couldn’t help but get more and more excited as every minute passed and got me closer to the moment that my idol strutted out on the stage. I could just picture him in his studded Louboutins oozing sex appeal. My face was glowing I could feel it even if I couldn’t see myself. So it didn’t surprise me in the least to occasionally catch Keegan just staring at me with a huge smile on his face. He was happy just knowing that he was there for me and that made me feel so special. The concert was supposed to start at 7pm and surprisingly at 7:05pm the lights dimmed and the crowd went wild. I couldn’t believe I was finally in the same place as this amazing man … that he actually DID exist in real life. During the show I found myself putting my arms around Keegan from behind and resting my head on his shoulder. I gently kissed his cheek as a way to say thank you without saying the words that truth be told wouldn’t have been able to be heard anyway. The show ended and I had made plans to meet up with Keegan around the back of the venue next to a pillar if we were separated. Sure enough in the chaos of leaving the building I lost him and slowly made my way out back. Most everyone other than myself and a couple others were crowded around the bus closer to the other side of the back. I knew there was an exit door on this side so I had made an educated guess to stand near that. About 10 minutes after I got out there my phone started to ring. Once I fished it out of my purse I realized that it was Keegan.

_“I’m out back where we said we’d meet.”_

_“Forget that … Em you HAVE to get back in the building.”_

_“Why? What’s wrong?”_

_“Adam is literally 15 feet from me right now. I just got his autograph for you but if you hurry you can meet him.”_

_“Where?!?”_

_“Go in and take the escalator turn right and head down that hallway to the end. We’re toward the end of the hallway on the left.”_

_“Ok I’ll be right there!”_

_“Hurry Em!”_

I hung up and bolted toward the entrance where I was greeted by a security guard.

“I’m sorry miss you can’t reenter the building.”

“There is an emergency. I got separated from my friend and he needs me.”

“I’m sorry I can’t let you back in the building. If you tell me where your friend is I can send a couple guards to make sure he’s ok and get the both of you reunited.” He had he arms crossed and I was losing every last bit of patience.

“No … you don’t understand. Right now he is 15 feet away from my idol. You’re the only person standing between me and getting to meet him.”

“Look I’m really sorry … if it were up to me I’d let you in but I can lose my job over it. I’m really sorry kid.” The mock empathy was really a nice touch … what a phony.

“Yeah sure you are …”

Tears streamed down my face as I walked back over to where I had been standing. I pulled out my phone and heartbroken texted Keegan.

_I can’t get back in the building … just come outside :(_

There was an older man that had been standing by me this whole time and he walked over concerned.

“Hey … are you ok?”

“Not really. My friend who brought me here got to meet Adam just now inside and here I am stuck outside losing my chance. Why did I think I’d have luck?!? I just wish that I could meet Adam that I could get to tell him how much he means to me …”

“Everyone has luck … you just have to be patient. It wasn’t meant to be this time … maybe the stars have something much bigger in mind for you. You just gotta believe that.” He gave me a smile but I was so in my own world emotion wise that I didn’t really care.

“I don’t know ….”

I stood there in silence for a moment and he broke the silence gently touching my necklace. I got a little creeped out and took a slight step backward away from his touch.

“Where did you get your necklace? It’s very special …”

“My friend made it for me … it was supposed to bring me luck. So much for that.”

“Don’t sell it short, don’t stop believing in it just because one time didn’t go your way. Things will work out … you’ll see. I believe and you should too, you never know what might happen when you start.”

He nodded as if to say goodbye and walked a few steps away. I turned for a moment and when I looked back the man was gone. A few moments later Keegan walked over and with one look at him I burst into tears. He pulled me in close and then wiped my eyes.

“Em please don’t cry … I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t … do anything.” I pulled away trying to pull myself together. I hated that he felt like he was responsible. It was nowhere near his fault. If it was anyone’s fault it was the asshole security guard’s.

“I got you something though … a couple things actually. Come on lets go to my car and I’ll show you.

“Isn’t he coming out?”

“No … they took him out the front and picked him up in a car from there. He has to catch a flight in an hour so he didn’t have time to dillydally. He has to do some kind of promo for something big coming up later this year. He didn’t say what it was though.”

We reached his car and I sat down in the passenger seat waiting for him to get in on the other side. Once he did he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his ticket stub which now had ‘Emmalyn Rock On – Adam Lambert’ scribbled on it. He then pulled out his phone and messed with it a moment before turning it to me. Adam appeared on the screen with his post-concert messy sweaty hair and a big smile on his face.

_“Hi Emmalyn. Sorry they wouldn’t let you back in the building I would’ve loved to meet you. Keegan showed me your picture and you are beautiful. I want you to follow your dreams ok? Don’t let ANYONE hold you back! I have to go we’re filming some big stuff for later in the year the next few days. Don’t be sad we didn’t meet, I’m sure we’ll meet someday.”_

Adam then blew me a kiss and stopped the video. I looked up at Keegan with happy tears in my eyes … I couldn’t believe he did this for me.

“Thank you … so much.”

“Of course Em … I’m really sorry you didn’t get to meet him. He’s really a nice guy … he deserves your love and admiration that’s for sure.”

Even though the autograph and video was amazing he could still tell that I was upset. He leaned over and kissed my forehead as I bucked my seatbelt and leaned against the window drifting off to sleep. I woke up to Keegan gently placing me in bed. I looked up at him sleepily and gave him a tired smile.

“Shh go back to sleep … I’ll be in the guest room. Goodnight …”

“Night …”


	3. He'll Never Love You Like

When I woke up in the morning my eyes were puffy from all the crying the night before. It felt like someone had punched me in them. The smell of homemade pancakes drifted upstairs and I followed it into the kitchen. Keegan was just transferring a heaping plate of them to the kitchen table.

“I made some pancakes … you want anything else? I mean are you hungry for anything else?” He was acting so reserved almost like he was afraid I could snap at the smallest thing and emotionally break down again. He hated seeing me cry.

“No … no the pancakes are fine. You don’t have to make anything else. Thank you Keegs.” He pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and I sat down sliding the chair up against the wooden table. I spent more time cutting and sliding around pieces of pancake on my dish than actually eating it. Finally I looked up at Keegan and tried to smile until I realized he was looking down at his phone scowling. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s … it’s nothing …” He only looked at me a moment before returning his focus to his phone frustratingly tapping and flicking away at the screen.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing … can I see the video again?”

He let out a sigh and looked up at me with a saddened look on his face.

“My phone had some kind of error and it messed it up … it won’t work. I’m trying to fix it now …”

I couldn’t help the tears that rolled out of my eyes all over again. Call me pathetic but it is what it is. Keegan got up and tried to give me a hug to calm me but I tensed and moved away not allowing him to. I could see how much it upset him but I was so upset I wasn’t thinking straight. Instead I yanked the necklace off my neck dangling it out in the air for him to take.

“Take this because all it’s done is give me bad luck!!!!”

“Em listen I can get …”

“NO I don’t want to hear anything just take the god damn thing!!!”

Without thinking I chucked it at him and it ended up falling to the floor and cracking in 3 pieces. I immediately felt awful and bent to pick it up but he put his arm out to stop me before grabbing them himself. I could see tears weld up in his eyes and I was about to speak when he opened his mouth.

“I know he means a lot to you but he … he’ll NEVER love you like … never mind.” He quit talking and just turned away from me which annoyed me. I gently grabbed his arm in a pathetic attempt to pull him back to look at me.

“Like what?!”

“I said never mind Emmalyn. I have to get home just remembered I have to help my mom with something.” He threw his arm backward knocking mine off of him as he started walking toward the door.

He never left without giving me a hug and I mean NEVER, but he just continued walking leaving me standing alone in the middle of my kitchen. I could hear his car pull out of the driveway and I just sat on the floor numb to everything. I noticed something catching the light on the ground so I scooped it up in my hand. It was a small fragment of the resin with a tiny particle of the seed embedded. I looked at it and the tears came. How could I break something that he had worked so hard on? That he had been so proud to give me … I was so very stupid. My phone was still in my pocket so about 10 minutes later, I dialed his cell which went immediately to voicemail. I didn’t leave a message and instead dialed his house phone. After a few rings him mom Kathy answered.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hi Kathy … is Keegan home yet?”_

_“I think so … let me check.”_

I could hear Keegan in the background telling him mom that he didn’t want to talk. There was a little bit of hope inside me that he would at least let me say I was sorry but that wasn’t the case.

_“No Emmalyn he’s not home yet. We won’t be home tonight but maybe he can call you back in the morning?”_

_“Oh … just tell him that I’m sorry. I know that he’s right there I heard him.”_

She stammered a moment but then I just hung up the phone. It was only 2pm but I was suddenly emotionally and physically exhausted. So much so that I just curled up on the couch instead of heading upstairs and was out in 10 minutes.


	4. You're Somebody To Me

I found myself in a theater filled with people waiting for something to start. It didn’t feel like a dream it felt real … but how? I kept telling myself it was just a dream but when I delivered a pinch to my forearm I let out a yelp loud enough for the people around me to turn and stare. Embarrassment crossed my face and I slunk down deeper in the chair confused and wanting to be invisible. Where was I and more importantly why was I there? The answer came as soon as the curtain rose to the first scene from Wicked. I sat in anticipation wondering if it was actually THAT Wicked and sure enough when Fieryo was wheeled out in his cart I beamed seeing the tall ebony haired guy with his brilliant smile. Whispers of annoyance filled the area around me and I was confused. People were mad that Adam was playing Fieryo? What the hell?!? As soon as he started singing ‘Dancing Through Life’ I tried to tune them all out … I HAD to hear this now that I somehow had this amazing opportunity. As the show went on the people at least stopped their bitching but I could tell they were still super annoyed. All this annoyance over an understudy taking over because the lead couldn’t?!? The show ended and I quickly made my way outside and to the stage door around back. It took awhile but all the main actors came out and started signing for everyone at the stage door. I was off to the side sitting on a brick wall far enough away where I could see Adam the second he walked out. About 5 minutes later the door opened and Adam walked out. He looked at the crowd and paused there for a moment waiting but it seemed as though they couldn’t care less that he was there. That made me cringe … he didn’t deserve that. He let out a sigh and frowned a bit readjusting the messenger bag on his shoulder as he started to walk away from the door and toward me. He was about 5 feet away when I called out to him.

“Hey Adam.”

“Wha … oh hi! How are you?” The poor guy was so shocked that someone … ANYONE knew his name. He walked over and took a seat next to me drawing his legs up onto the wall so he could sit sideways looking toward me.

“Really good now … I’m so happy that I get to meet you.” My hands were trembling and I felt like I was going to pass out. I just could not believe he sat right next to me giving ME of all people his undivided attention. He let out this hearty laugh like everything I was saying was completely preposterous.  

“Meet me? Honey you know who you’re talking to right?” He flicked his hand to further emphasize his words and slid his leg up closer to his torso resting his arm on his right knee. His pants rose up a bit exposing just a tiny bit of ankle flesh before he yanked it back down again.

“Yes … yes I do Adam Lambert. You were amazing up there.”

“You think?” There was doubt in those eyes that broke my heart. He didn’t deserve to have that he was AMAZING. I gently touched his leg giving him direct eye contact with a smile.

“I don’t think I know … you’re a natural.”

“Awe thanks … you’re so sweet. I was so nervous, it was my first time filling in.”

“I would have never known had I not.” I was just staring at him in complete awe that my idol sat mere inches away from me. He caught my staring and giggled.

“You ok?”

“Yeah … I just can’t believe you’re here. That I’m here with you.” My eyes looked down in shyness as his giggles filled the air once more.

“You act like I’m famous or something. Girl please … I’m a nobody.” He gently tapped my knee in a joking ‘get out of here’ gesture face full of smiles.

“You’re somebody to me.” I murmured lightly almost afraid to let him hear. It was hard for me to admit how I felt even if it was in a different time or place.

“Awe … come here sweetheart” He wrapped his arms around me pulling me in tight. I was so tense from nerves at first but I found myself relaxing into his embrace. “Do you wanna grab a coffee with me? My treat.”

“Sure … if you’re not busy.”

We both hopped up and started heading down the street. Adam was keeping pace with me and it was more of a leisurely stroll than anything. We were walking as though we hadn’t a care in the world or anywhere to be and it was a beautiful thing.

“No nothing that can’t be changed. My boyfriend just wanted to maybe meet up but I’ll just call him later.”

“Boyfriend?” He looked over his shoulder at me stopping for a second with a strange look on his face … one that I couldn’t read.

“Oh you didn’t know I was gay, did you?”

“Oh no I know … just didn’t know you were dating someone.” With that I could see him relax and I realized that there was a moment, no matter how small it was, that he questioned whether I was friend or foe when it came to his sexual orientation. That had to be a terrible thing to have to go through.

“Yeah … his name is Brad. He’s my everything … do you wanna see a picture?”

“Sure!”  

He beamed as he pulled out his phone and started scrolling with his thumb as we kept pace. After a moment he handed his phone over to me. On the screen was a photo I had never seen of the two of them on the couch Brad leaned back into his chest staring up at him with a sleepy smile on his face. They looked so much in love.

“AWWW you two are completely adorable!”

“Thanks he’s a sweetheart. I’m so rude I never asked you for your name.”

“It’s Emmalyn … but most people call me Em for short.”

“Emmalyn … I like that it’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

“Thanks … but I’m not beautiful.” He stopped dead in his tracks and turned me toward him taking my face in his hands. I literally thought I was going to die …

“Yes you are beautiful. Everyone is beautiful … there is beauty everywhere if we take a moment to see it.”

“Well thank you.” He smiled and kissed my cheek sending butterflies tumbling in my stomach. Oh the things this man does to me without him knowing.

We finally reached a small coffee shop and after holding the door open for me he walked up to the counter. The man behind it smiled and extended his hand in greeting patting Adam on the back with his free hand.

“Hey there’s our superstar how did it go today?!?” The man was boisterous and loud but the friendly sort with slicked back auburn hair and a bit of a beer belly.

“I think it went really well … people just weren’t that happy.” The guy could see the disappointment in Adam’s eyes and reassuringly clasped his shoulder.

“Oh they just have their heads up their asses. They’ll get used to you the more and more you fill in. Oh I didn’t realize you had someone with you … Hello.” Looking up he finally saw me standing there awkwardly and reached out to shake my hand.

“Terry this is Emmalyn … Emmalyn this is Terry. He’s an old friend of my dad’s.

“Hi Emmalyn it’s nice to meet you. This is one great guy right here.” Adam bowed ceremoniously in mock thankfulness and then smirked at me.

“I’m here almost every day so he has no choice but to like me.” I giggled and took a seat at one of the small tables against the wall. “Em … what do you want to drink?”

“Oh … just a decaf with cream and sugar.”

As boring as it was that’s what I typically ordered at coffee shops. Plus I didn’t want Adam paying too much for me. We had just met after all and being an understudy couldn’t pay that much.

“You sure? You can have whatever you want and his mocha lattes are to DIE for.”

“Oh ok …. well then I’ll have one of those.”

“Two mocha lattes Terry.” He smiled and walked over sitting across from me at the tiny little table.

“So … since you seem to know about me tell me about you?”

“Well … I’m 18 and I live in Ohio. Been visiting my aunt who lives in San Diego”

“Ohio wow cool. Do you like it there? Are you dating anyone?” He playfully nudged me and I giggled. There was just something about him that put you at ease. That made you feel like you could tell him your life story and he really TRULY cared.

“It’s ok kinda boring if you ask me and nope single. I pretty much keep to myself. Tend to be really shy around people I don’t know so I don’t have many friends. Really only one TRUE friend to be honest.

He looked at me with his crystal blue eyes and his lips curled into a small smile as he draped his hand on mine.

“Well we need to fix that … I can be your friend. You’re a sweet girl Emmalyn.”

“How do you know for sure? I could be a serial killer for all you know.” I teased playfully cocking my head to the side.

He giggled in response his foot tapping on the vinyl tile that lined the flooring. The sun shone in thru the window casting its light on his face … god he looked beautiful.

“I’m a good judge of character. I can tell you’re the real deal. Have you decided if/where you want to go to college?”

“No … well yes. It’s complicated …”

He frowned and gently rested his hand on mine tenderly rubbing it. It felt so good to know he really was as sweet as he seemed. “I got the time if you want to tell it.”

“I know where I want to go … where I DREAM of going. It’s just that my dad, well he doesn’t believe in me. Thinks that it’s useless for me to apply. My dream is getting to attend NYCDA and it means so much to me. I just don’t feel like it’s worth it … they won’t want someone like me.”

He cringed when my words pierced the air and his face stayed screwed up in annoyance even as he started to speak. He was so serious but he looked so darn cute.

“That’s bullshit you do what you feel is right … what you feel in your heart you’re born to do. You have to go for it!! I can help you out if you want give you some tips and tricks. I don’t mind taking you under my wing and showing you the ropes. Oh Em you have to follow your dream.”

His phone started ringing and he reached down and answered it. I could only hear his part of the conversation but I could tell he was talking to his boyfriend.

_“Hey babe.”_

_“No I can’t meet up right now I’m at the coffee shop with someone.”_

_“No not a guy. I’m with a girl that I met at Wicked today._

_“I don’t know maybe 8:30-9ish?”_

_“Well I don’t know what to tell you then why are you getting snippy with me?!?”_

_“Fine whatever.”_

He hung up and I could tell he was upset. I reached over and put my hand on his forearm gently rubbing it. He allowed the touch and then clasped his hand over my mine.

“You ok Adam?” I questioned the sadness in his eyes feeling like it was all my fault … like I was a huge part in what was happening. Was I doing more harm than good in being here?

“It’s nothing really … Brad just has an attitude. He’s been in such a weird mood the last couple of days. I don’t know what his problem is. Sometimes I …”

He was interrupted by Terry bringing over our drinks. We both thanked him and I took a sip. Damn Adam was right it was THE MOST amazing thing in the world.

“Damn that’s good.”

“See told you.”

We pretty much sat in silence while we finished our drinks. He was usually such a sweet soul full of laughter and bubbly chatter but the man who sat in front of me looked broken. Like something or someone was draining every last bit of light from him. He was just so down on himself. I was zoning out when I realized that he was trying to ask me something.

“Sorry did you just say something?”

“How do you get back to your Aunt’s house?”

“Oh umm … taxi to Union Station and then train.”

Luckily I did actually have an aunt in San Diego and that was how we traveled to LA so I knew from experience. Adam stood up slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder again and reaching out his hand to pull me up.

“I can just give you a ride there. This way you won’t have to pay the money. It’s not that far away I don’t mind.”

“Oh … well thanks.”

I had no idea what I was going to do once we actually got to San Diego but I definitely wasn’t going to turn down the chance of a car ride with my idol. We walked back to the venue finding his beat up black Trans Am in the parking lot. He caught me looking and giggled.

“She might not be much to look at but she runs like a champ and gets me where I need to go safe. That’s really all that matters.”

“Very very true.”

He opened up the passenger door and closed it once I got inside. Seat belt fastened tightly around the both of us, he started his journey. We were driving about 10 minutes when he looked over at me.

“Do you have to be home?”

“No not really why?” I questioned looking over at him with curiosity. What was going on in that brain of his?

“Want to go on a trip up to San Fran with me? I could use a nice long drive to clear my head and the company would be real nice.”

“Sure … my aunt won’t care she’s away on business till next week anyway.”

“Alright then … San Fran here we come!”

He turned the car around and we started our journey up the coast. It was already 7pm so the sky was starting to get ready for a spectacular show. This was my favorite time or day when the sky was filled with all different hues like a spattered canvas, a beautiful work of art. We got about 2 hours away when I started feeling really dizzy and my vision went hazy. I said something to Adam but it was as if he couldn’t hear me, like I wasn’t sitting right next to him in the car.


	5. It's Different Now

My eyes started getting heavier and heavier and soon they closed and a falling sensation followed. Then just as soon as that started it stopped. I was relieved for a moment enjoying the darkness of my closed eyelids, until I became aware of the surrounding noises. Machines beeping and a cracking voice speaking thru choked sobs. Then I started to notice the burning pain radiating throughout my body. I let out a croaked groan and I could hear the hurried shuffling footsteps of someone walking over. One hand grabbed mine while the other tenderly caressed my cheek.

“Baby … can you hear me? Open up your eyes for me Em. I know you can do it.”

The voice sounded VERY familiar almost like it was Adam … but why the hell was he there? And more importantly where was here … and why was he calling me baby?!? I slowly opened my eyes hesitating a bit more than I wanted as it felt like cinder blocks were attached to the lids. It was Adam … and he looked absolutely awful. He had dark bags under his eyes and they were red and swollen from crying.

“Hi … you came back to me. I love you Emmalyn. I love you so much.” I reached out to grab his hand and yelped as I flopped it down on what was apparently a very large and VERY tender bruise. Concern filled his face and he gently took hold of my arm. “Careful let me … don’t move ok? You just rest … you can sleep I’ll be right here.”

“What … happened?” My voice was barely a whisper but he rubbed my hand and hesitated a moment before answering.

“You had an accident … don’t you remember anything?” His eyes widened waiting for me to respond and when I mouthed the word “no” he gently caressed my cheek. “I’ll tell you what happened later ok. For now you just relax.”

Leaning down, he gave me a kiss and if it wasn’t for the excruciating pain I was in I would’ve thought I had died and gone to heaven. Before I drifted off I realized that Danielle (Adam’s friend from high school) was sitting against the wall giving me a tired smile. She noticed I saw her and walked over standing next to where Adam was.

“I’m so happy you’re awake. You gave us all a good scare. I couldn’t imagine loosing you …” She gave me a tired smile and gently held my hand rubbing the palm with her fingertips.

Since she was now closer I realized that her eyes were in the same state as Adam’s … what the actual hell?!? How did she know me … and what had happened? I looked at Adam and he gently kissed my lips lightly holding my hand. I closed my eyes but didn’t fall asleep yet when a doctor walked in the room.

“Has she woken up anymore?” The doctor pulled out his clipboard and started to make a couple notes his blonde hair hanging low over his eyes as he wrote.

“Yeah she was just awake for a few minutes with us. She spoke …”

The doctor abruptly stopped his writing and looked at Adam with an excited expression. “That’s great news!”

“She doesn’t remember anything …” Tears spilled down his cheeks. The doctor walked over gently patting his back.

“Adam that’s to be expected with that kind of head trauma … I warned you of that.”

“She is going to lose it when she realizes the baby is gone … I don’t want to see her go through that.” His heartbreaking cries filled the room and I could hear Dani trying to sooth him.

“You had to go thru it too … you still do …” She whispered tightly holding him chest-to-chest.

“Don’t you see I don’t care about me!!! Only her … I just want to take her home with me. I want to just rewind the last 6 weeks … I just want everything to go back to the way it was.” He was animatedly upset flailing his arms around in pain and distress. The doctor stopped right in front of Adam grabbing his sides to stop his movements.

“Adam … she’s going to be ok. You just gotta give her a bit of time. You need to take time to grieve as well … it’s not healthy.”

“I’m fine …”

“Adam …”

“I said I’m fine … please just do what you have to do and leave, please.”

“Of course.”

The doctor walked up toward the head of my bed just as a wave of pain soared in my body again. I let out a grunt of agony and sleepily opened my eyes. The doctor smiled at me and leaned down a bit.

“Well hello there Emmalyn I finally get to see you awake. Can you do some tests for me?”

I weakly nodded wincing a bit as my neck wasn’t used to the movement. He did some tests with my eyes asking I follow his finger, counting how many fingers he had up and shining a flashlight in them. By the time he was done I felt sick desperately needing the darkness behind my eyelids again … needing sleep. He could sense that and pushed the button on my morphine pump. He gently patted my shoulder and nodded at Adam and Dani before walking out of the room. It didn’t take long at all for the medicine to knock me out cold. When I finally woke up again things felt different … like more time had passed than I realized. The pain wasn’t radiating throughout my body and other than a dull annoying ache on my right side I felt pretty darn good. I noticed that Adam was standing over at the door talking with who I realized immediately was Brad. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to know who he was or not so I just quietly listened into his conversation. I couldn’t make out what if anything Brad was saying but I was able to pick up on a bit of Adam’s part.

_“I know I did but it’s different now. I love her so much that will never change.”_

_“Look I don’t want you to show up where I am again you hear me? No more, you can’t …”_

There was a look on Brad’s face that I couldn’t place. It was something between sadness, anger, and confusion. He looked over at me and upon noticing I was awake turned and walked away. Adam paused at the door a moment longer and then turned walking back in the room. He realized I was awake and smiled.

“Well hello there princess …”

“Hi Adam …”

“How are you feeling? Are you in pain?”

“A little bit on my right side but it’s not too bad actually. Do you think I could sit up?” He nodded smiling at me and after slowly raising the bed he sat next to me sweetly running his fingers thru my hair.

“You haven’t been awake much for a while … they kept your pretty sedated. They finally decreased it yesterday so you could possibly come home.”

“Adam …”

“What princess?”

“What happened to me?”

He paused a moment as if to collect his thoughts before he spoke. I scooted over on the bed a little wincing only a slight bit from the motion. I gently patted the bed next to me and he sat down looking me in the eyes speaking so softly to me.

“You were on your way home in the rain and your car stalled. Your phone wouldn’t get service so you decided to walk a mile down the road to the gas station. Some guy was drunk and the road wasn’t very well lit. He hit you Em and I thought you were gone. They rushed you here, you had lost so much blood and they tried to save …”

He couldn’t continue he had started to sob uncontrollably. I found myself soothingly rubbing his thigh to get him to calm down. It took a moment but his cries subsided and he grasped my hand.

“They tried to save the baby but she didn’t make it. The trauma was too great …”

I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion … what was he talking about? He could tell I had no idea what he was talking about and the color drained from his face. Tears filled my eyes … I felt like I was disappointing him.

“I’m sorry Adam … I don’t remember anything I just know who you are. I don’t know where I am … or even how or why I’m here.”

“It’s ok … there’s nothing for you to be sorry about. You know who I am and that’s a start ok?”


	6. Chloe Leigh

Adam readjusted himself so he was leaning back on the bed sitting next to me. Then he gently scooted me over so he was holding me. I snuggled back on him and felt like I was pretty much THE luckiest person in the world. I couldn’t believe that Adam Fucking Lambert was holding me in his arms.

“I missed this Emmalyn … so much. I was so scared …”

Awkward silence filled the room the only sound was the light thumping of his heart in my ear. After I relaxed there for a little while I curiously pulled away so that I was looking him in the eyes.

“Adam … who was that guy with you at the door?”

“Oh he’s just a friend. He stopped by to see how you were doing.” He was avoiding eye contact and I don’t know exactly what to make of his response. Men … so damn confusing.

“He seemed upset … is everything ok between the two of you?”

“Yeah everything is fine. He wanted me to go out with him tonight to the bar but I told him that I wanted to stay here with you.”

I slowly turned his face toward me looking him in the eyes … damn they were mesmerizing.

“You CAN go you know … I’m ok, I’ll be ok.”

He shook his head no apparently already convinced. “No it’s alright this is the first day you’re completely coherent. I want to spend time with you Em.”

“Ok … fine. But if you change your mind it’s completely ok by me.”

I relaxed and just stayed there curled up in his arms. It was a weird feeling knowing that I was in the arms of my idol yet at the same time it felt completely comfortable and ‘normal’. It was like my previous life and this one had intersected and while I couldn’t remember anything of this life I felt accustomed to it. To part of my brain it was insane to think of this man being in love with ME a small town girl from Ohio and more specifically A GIRL. I didn’t understand how or why he wasn’t gay in this life. Yet the other part of my brain seemed like it didn’t know anything different existed. Adam was SO happy and I could tell he loved me … like REALLY loved me and as more and more time passed I was remembering less and less of ‘my life’ almost as if it didn’t exist anymore and before I knew it, it was mostly forgotten. I tilted my head and just smiled at him gently kissing his cheek. A smile immediately spread across his face and he responded by placing a kiss on my lips.

“I won’t ever let anything happen to you again … I promise.” He mumbled his nose buried in my hair. I was going to say something to tease him as it couldn’t smell all that great but decided against it. It was something amazing to just curl up in those arms and feel completely at peace, like nothing and nobody else mattered. The doctor walked in the room and upon seeing me sitting up gave me a big smile.

“Well look at this … someone is feeling much better I see.” He walked over looking at my heartrate monitor and writing down a few things on his clipboard.

“Much … thanks.”

“Well I think as long as you feel up to it you can go home today. Your blood work looks really good and your last scans were normal. You had pretty significant head trauma and you might have a little residual discomfort as we had to perform an emergency c-section. I wouldn’t want you to be by yourself for at least the next 2 weeks. I can go get the discharge paperwork if you feel you’re ready?”

“I … I think I’m ready.” I answered my voice shakier than I thought it would be. I didn’t know if it was fear or what but I suddenly felt so frail and delicate. Adam seemingly could read me like a book and snuggled me in closer gently running his fingers thru my hair.

“Alright let me go fetch that paperwork and you can be on your way.”

He left the door and Adam looked at me with a beaming smile turning me toward him.

“I can’t wait until we’re back home again. Our nice warm bed is waiting for us. You remember how much you love it right?” I shook my head no and then realized I didn’t even know what I was going home to. I looked down sadly and he reached over and lifted up my face. “It’s ok Em … I’ll help you remember ok?”

I nodded and as soon as I signed the discharge paperwork I was free to leave. After waiting what seemed like an hour for transport to come in, they wheeled me downstairs while Adam got the car. As I sat there waiting I realized I didn’t even know what kind of car he drove or even what color. The feeling of not knowing was bringing up a very uneasy feeling, something I was NOT used to. I knew I could trust him but really I didn’t know HIM. I knew Adam Lambert the rock star, the humanitarian, the actor. I knew him from his interviews and his twitter rants, but I didn’t know Adam Lambert the man. As much as he opened up to his glamberts and brought us into his world and thoughts it still wasn’t the same as him being the guy you called on a Friday night bored and wanting to go out for a few drinks. Or the guy you had a sleepover with on a Sunday night doing drunk karaoke and eating the most random foods you could scrounge together. Soon a black Trans Am pulled up and Adam stepped outside. It wasn’t much, it had dents and dings and was desperately needing a new paint job but it was his. He helped me in the car and soon we were slowly on our way home. He went back roads as much as he could trying to avoid any extra bump that he could even though I told him I would be fine. It didn’t hurt at all really just felt tight if I overstretched in my movements. But of course Adam didn’t want to hear a word of that. Soon we pulled up to a small but clean looking ranch house. He helped me inside and my attention was immediately drawn to some baby things in a box by the door. He immediately pushed them aside with his foot as he helped me sit on the couch.

“Still waiting for someone to come pick all that up. Well here it is … home sweet home. It’s not much but …” He stared at the room in front of us wistfully almost like he was remembering every last moment we had spent here together.

“It’s perfect …” We sat on the couch enjoying the quiet but my attention kept being drawn to the box. He noticed but didn’t say anything I could tell he was really hurting but didn’t want me to see. “What were we going to name her?”

“Chloe … Chloe Leigh. Her middle name was in honor of …”

“Your mom … right?” He nodded unable to form words as tears spilled down his cheeks. As soon as they did however, he quickly wiped them away almost as if he was ashamed to cry. Knowing how much he hurt inside killed me. “You can cry you know … it’s ok Adam.” He looked at me for a second but then got up heading toward the kitchen talking over his shoulder as he walked.

“I’m going to go make some ramen are you hungry?”

“Yeah …. Ramen sounds good.”

He retreated into the kitchen where I could hear his sobs and that killed me. Later that night he tucked me into bed with the promise that I would yell for him if I needed to get up, and headed back out in the living room. I could hear his crying again so I very carefully made my way out into the living room. He had a video of me on the TV that he was watching of me lying in bed with my belly exposed. I stood there watching it as tears filled my own eyes as well.

_I was holding the camera and Adam kissed my belly speaking so tenderly to the baby._

_“Daddy is home my little angel.” I directed his hand to apparently where I had felt her kick and as he rubbed there soon she started kicking at his hand. “Well hello to you too.”_

_She must’ve delivered a strong kick and I let out a little grunt of discomfort and Adam’s face immediately screwed up in concern._

_“I’m ok … she’s just being feisty like her daddy.” I held my breath a second as she delivered another strong kick._

_“Chloe … be nice to mama ok? It’s not nice to be so rough.”_

_He continued kissing at my belly as I laughed. Then he laid down with his head at my belly tenderly rubbing it as he sang some song I didn’t recognize._

I let out a sniffle and Adam immediately spun around his eyes all puffy with a look of concern on his face. He rushed over gently supporting me as if I couldn’t stand alone for even another second

“Emmalyn! I told you to call me if you needed to get up.” He scolded starting to walk me back toward the bedroom.  

“I wanted to come make sure you were ok … I could hear you in there.”

“I’m fine … come on let’s get you back in there.”

Truth be told I wasn’t very tired yet but I didn’t want to argue with him. We made our way back into the bedroom and as soon as he helped me in it I reached up caressing his cheek.

“Addy please stay here …” I begged with sad eyes just really needing him close. Needing to know that he was ok.

A small smile formed on his face and nodded before going into the living room to shut everything off. About 2 minutes later he walked back in the room and got changed into a pair of sweatpants. He got in bed next to me and I gently turned on my left side facing him. His eyes still looked absolutely awful. I reached up and rubbed his cheek.

“I love you Adam …”

“I love you too. You get some rest ok? I’ll be right here with you.”


	7. Tell Me About Us

When I woke up in the morning Adam wasn’t next to me. I sat up slowly and immediately the room started to spin and every muscle in my body ached. My hands clutched the smooth wooden surface of the headboard my body begging for the sensation to end. It didn’t take long for me to realize that wasn’t going to be the case. I was scared to even lay back down myself.

“Adam ...” The word didn’t come out at loud as I had hoped and nobody responded. I tried to call again but my throat swallowed up my words choking me and holding them back like its life depended on it. Trying one more time I gathered up every last bit of energy I had. “Adam!”

Footsteps rushed into the room but they weren’t Adam’s they were his mother Leila’s. She could tell by my expression and my tightly clenched eyes that something was wrong.

“Emmalyn what’s wrong?!?”

“Everything is spinning and I ache … everywhere.”

“Ok let’s get you laying down. I’ll go get you a pill I’m sure there’s something here that will help you. I’ll be right back ok?”

She slowly lowered me which only made me worse. Tears streamed down my face completely at the mercy of the pain. Soon she came back in and put a cold glass to my lips. Thankfully I gulped at the water and popped a pill into my mouth washing it down. Leila sat there gently running her hand thru my hair at a loss of what else to do. I just laid there crying feeling like my body was waging war against itself. I still wasn’t better an hour later and it had gotten worse I was a sweating miserable mess. Her phone rang and I could tell that it was Adam checking up on me. After a minute I could tell that he asked to talk to me so I took the phone once Leila handed it out to me.

 _“Hi …”_ I tried my hardest to make my voice sound stronger than it was but it was a lost cause. It sounded as bad as I felt.

_“You sound awful. I’ll just bail on the gigs today it’s not a big deal there are other acts.”_

_“No … I’ll be ok. You have work …”_

_“Are you sure? If you need me I can and will be there …”_ His voice was filled with concern but I didn’t want him to put me before his jobs. They were important to make him become the person he was meant to be … that he was going to be.

_“Yes … I’m sure.”_

_“If you need me tell my mom to call me. I love you Em.”_

_“And I … love you.”_

I weakly handed the phone back to Leila and curled back up underneath the covers. Leila walked out of the room still talking to Adam and about 10 minutes Adam walked in the bedroom.

“Addy … I told you … no.”

Tears streamed down my face as he laid down next to me holding me tightly. He must’ve had the magic touch because in his arms I was finally able to fall asleep. Somehow I slept thru straight thru until the following morning. When I woke up he was still there watching over me. He smiled as I sleepily opened my eyes.

“Hi baby, how are you feeling?”

“A lot better … I think. Adam what are you doing here? You have work and they need you.” I pouted and he gently rubbed my cheek before kissing my forehead.

“No YOU need me. My mom offered to give us money so I could take a month or so off. I don’t want you to have one of those attacks and be alone.”

“I wasn’t alone … your mom was here.” I stated matter of factly and Adam let out a little chuckle.

“But you didn’t have me … I’ve always been the one person who could somehow make you feel better. I want to be that person always Emmalyn …. You have me wrapped around your little finger. One ‘Addy’ from your lips and I’ll do anything.”

“Anything …?” I smirked at him gently poking at his sides with my fingertips. He laughed and gently pulled me on top of him. Smiling I kissed him and lightly bit at his bottom lip. A smile spread across his face even though I could see pain deep within.

“Tell me about us …”

“Well … What do you want to know?” He questioned his eyes holding the secrets that would unlock this past for me and maybe even start things back on the right path again.

“Everything … start at the beginning. How did we meet?”

He paused a moment as if he was taking the time to REALLY remember the moment. It was almost as if I could see the scene playing in his mind like a film reel meant just for us. “You were visiting your aunt in San Diego and you were taking the train to LA by yourself. I was on the same train coming back from visiting my dad. I started a conversation with you on the train and then once we got there we shared a taxi ride. I guess you could say the rest is history. The instant I laid eyes on you I knew that we were supposed to be together … that you were the one. You moved in a month later and we never looked back. We were together almost a year when we found out you were pregnant but you had a miscarriage when you were 3 months. We got pregnant with Chloe about 5 months after that.”

“So we’ve been together how long … about 2 years?”

“Yes …. two amazing perfect years. You make me smile every morning Emmalyn … I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He snuggled me in close to his chest and I reached up placing a gentle kiss on the side of his neck.

“You don’t have to worry I’ll always be here with you. Come on tell me more …”

“Ok well … you do some photography on the side you’re really good actually. I’m of course bouncing around doing gigs for cash. I don’t know what else to say …” He playfully shrugged his shoulder and I giggled. Adam Lambert at a loss for words this was a first.

“Well, what do we do … like for fun?”

“You go to my gigs if I’m singing at a bar or whatever. You’re always my little cheerleader right in the front. We cook at home together and every once in a while we’ll go out to eat somewhere nice. The budget doesn’t allow for that too much though. Other than that we mostly just stay at home and throw little parties or just curl up on the couch and watch TV. Oh and then sometimes if I’m being an exceptionally good boyfriend you give me THE MOST AMAZING full body massages. You light some candles and holy crap it’s like the best thing EVER.” His eyes were glowing as he talked about my massages and I could help but giggle. Somehow he made me feel like a million dollars even when he wasn’t trying to. There was definitely something magical about him.

“Any nicknames?”

“Well like I said you tend to call me Addy when you want something or when you’re feeling super cuddly. I mostly just call you Em or princess/baby/babe. Nothing too weird or different.”

“Do I like to cuddle?”

“Definitely and as do I.”

I snuggled my head into the crook of his neck tenderly placing a kiss on his neck for good measure. Thank god I didn’t have any pain where my incision was because this was pretty much damn near perfect. As soon as I got comfortable someone rang the doorbell. I went to get up but Adam gently turned me onto my back instead.

“It’s ok Addy I can get it for you …”

“No you stay here … I’ll go see who is there. You just lay here and rest.”


	8. You Just Be You

He left the room leaving his cell phone on the nightstand. Pretty much as soon as he left the room it buzzed with a text. I was curious so I picked up the phone and saw the message on the screen.

_Hey Ad where are you I thought you were going to come here for 11:30a?_

I could hear two sets of footsteps walking toward the room so I quickly put the phone back down and got comfortable in bed. Dani followed Adam in the room and gave me a huge smile when she saw me.

“Hey you! You look so much better …” She came over and gave me a gentle but firm hug. Adam looked at me for a moment testing the waters as to if I knew who she was or not.

“You remember Danielle right Em?”

“Yeah I know who she is … I just don’t remember anything else sorry Dani.”

She smiled waving her hand as if to dismiss the significance of me not remembering. She was too sweet. “Oh no that’s ok it’s not a problem. There is PLENTY of video and photo evidence of our many shenanigans. How could I not your one of my best friends.”

“Well you’ll have to show me said evidence unless it’s one of those what happened in the past stays in the past kinda things?”

“Oh trust me there were some of THOSE nights too. Adam knows he was a part of most of them.” Adam started laughing and nodded. It was then I realized that I forgot to tell him about the text.

“Oh Adam you got a text when you stepped out. It popped up on the phone … something about you were supposed to meet someone?”

“Were you on your way out Ad?”

“Oh … um no … no I wasn’t going anywhere. I forgot to call my friend and cancel. I was going to meet up with him for coffee and a bagel at that new café.” He was hesitating and he looked almost panicked in a way.

“You can go Addy … I’m feeling much better.”

“Yeah I can stay with Em I don’t have plans.”

“Oh I … um … are you sure … I don’t have to.” He looked at me for reassurance and I gently patted his arm.

“Yes go ahead it’s fine. You deserve to have some ‘Adam’ time. Go on now … I’ll be fine.” He hesitated biting his lip but then he walked back over and gently gave me a hug and kiss. Then he walked over to Dani looking her directly in the eyes.

“Please stay here until I get back. If she has another attack call me IMMEDIATELY ok?”

“Don’t worry Adam we’ll be fine. It will be good for Em to have some girl time.”  

“I love you Emmalyn.”

“I love you too … now go it’s ok.” He hesitated a moment more but then finally walked out of the room and left. As soon as she heard the car pull out the driveway Dani smiled at me.

“Do you feel like going to for a drive? It’s beautiful outside today.”

“Sure just let me get changed.”

She walked over to my closet and grabbed a pair of my most comfortable flats and a spring dress then left the room allowing me to change. The incision didn’t hurt necessarily to lay on or anything but it still pulled and felt weird if I bent or turned too quickly so I had to be gentle in doing everything. Soon we were out to the car and started on our drive with the windows rolled down. The wind made me feel alive … feeling it made to want to be here. After a few minutes I could tell Dani’s demeanor changed as she turned to me.

“Emmalyn … do you think that Adam has been weird lately?”

“I don’t know … I don’t remember much.”

“Well ... from what you can remember has anything stuck out as weird or different to you?”

She seemed so serious and it scared me a bit. Was there something going on that I was missing? I sat there a moment replaying the events of the last few days in my head.

“Not weird necessarily but there was a guy at the door of the hospital room when I woke up the day I was released. Adam said he was a friend of his that wanted to visit me. Then the text this morning I guess he did act a bit weird with that.”

“I’m going to show you something ok? Please don’t freak out and please don’t tell Adam I did this. You deserve to know … you should know.” The way she spoke scared me a bit … was there something wrong with him? Was he ok?!?

“What is it Dani?”

“You’ll see …”

As soon as she parked the car I could guess by the rainbow flag in the corner of the building’s window what this ‘shocking news’ was and immediately relaxed a bit. We walked inside and she paid both of our cover charges. There was a spot open in the back so we decided to stay back there mostly out of sight. It didn’t take long for me to realize that this was a drag show … he was doing drag? The show started and ‘Erica Jade’ was introduced. The curtain raised and there stood Adam in the infamous black sparkle fringe dress with the fishnets and his silvery glitter platform boots topped off with a white afro wig. He proceeded to give THE most gut-wrenching performance of ‘Being Alive’ from ‘Company’ that I had ever heard. I just stood there in awe … at a complete loss of words with a smile on my face. People were walking up to him with tips and he was grabbing them and putting them all in a bucket on the stage. I looked at Danielle and smiled. She looked at me confused with huge eyes completely shocked by my reaction.

“You’re not mad … or upset?”

“No not at all. I just want him to be himself … that all I ever wanted. I just want to know him and by knowing him I’m already blessed with more than I could ever ask for. I don’t care if he’s gay, bi, straight, transgender or purple polka dotted. He’s still Adam to me and I’ll love him regardless.”

She let out a sigh of relief and gave me a sad glance.

“He’s had a really hard time with this, he’s been fighting it for so long. He loves you Emmalyn really he does. He blames himself for your accident.”

“Why would it be his fault?”

“You should hear the rest from him. It’s not my place to tell you more than this.”

I could see Adam had come out from behind the stage and sat down at a booth with Brad. It didn’t take long for me to realize that had to be who had texted him. Now it all made sense what Adam said at the hospital. He was apparently going to tell me but then the accident happened. Standing there I watched Adam beaming snuggled up with Brad. He kissed him and I couldn’t help but smile … they were so adorable together and I just wanted him happy.

“Dani … I want to go over there. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“I think it might help him feel better about himself if he knows you know and are ok. He didn’t want to hurt you. Do you want me to come over there with you?”

“No … I think I’ll be ok.”

Slowly I made my way over toward the booth they were in. Brad noticed me approaching first and when Adam went to kiss him again he noticed the look of terror in his eyes. He followed his gaze and saw that it was me. Immediately he stood up panicked.

“Em look I can explain I … what are you doing here anyway?!?”

“Sit …” I said quietly as I reached the side of the booth.

“This isn’t the place for a scene … please not here.” His eyes were full of fear and panic like he was some kind of caged rat not knowing where to go or what to do.

“No … no scene. Please sit … please?” He looked at me confused and slowly sat down next to Brad who was slumped low in the seat probably wishing he could disappear. I sat down across from Adam and gently took his hand. “I just want you to be happy Addy … that’s all I ever wanted for you. Knowing you makes me blessed … blessed beyond belief. I love you and support you no matter what path you choose in life. I will ALWAYS be here for you. I don’t want you to hide anymore … ok? You just be you.”

I looked at him his eyes welling up with tears and he got up and gently pulled me up into a hug. Once he hugged me he started sobbing. It broke my heart and I just held him tightly rubbing his back.

“It’s my fault you got in the accident. We were on a date and I had my phone off. You tried to call me and I didn’t answer … that’s why you went walking to the gas station.”

“No! Adam I don’t want you blaming yourself ok? It was an accident it was meant to happen. Nobody made it happen it just did. You’re gonna smudge your makeup.”

He chuckled a bit gently wiping his eyes. I hugged him giving him a kiss before pulling away. I looked over at Brad who now was sitting upright again looking completely shocked and puzzled. He realized I was looking at him and slowly stood up testing the waters.

“Can I know one thing from you?”

“Oh … sure what is it?” His voice was low and semi timid still not quite sure what to make of the whole situation.

“Do you love him …. Does he mean the world to you?”

“Yes … yes I do and yes he does. He’s my everything.” Adam beamed and reached his arm out caressing Brad’s back in a calming gesture.

“Ok then it’s settled … can I give you a hug Brad … it is Brad right?”

“Yes and … sure.” For the first time he smiled and I gave him a warm hug. I could feel tension leaving his body and he stood there as relief washed over his body … over both of their bodies actually.

“If you want I can pack and call up my aunt or something Adam. I know there is only one bedroom.”

“Like hell you will. You’ll stay there it’s perfectly fine to share a bed.”

“But won’t it be weird … for both of you? I mean you can’t exactly have sex if I’m in the room.” They both started laughing and a cheesy smile crossed my face.

“We’ll make it work … I’ll just go to his house like I’ve been.”

“But I don’t want you to do that Adam. It’s not fair to either of you. I love you too much for you to be burdened with me.” He walked over giving me a kiss and pressing his forehead to mine.

“You’re NOT a burden, you’re a blessing. Now hush and get Dani to take you back to the house I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”


	9. One Day I'm Going To Be A Star

Dani had walked back toward the door so we had easy access to leave I gave each of them a hug goodbye and rejoined her at the door. We headed home feeing completely and utterly drained and exhausted. I had done way too much too fast. I went to lay down on the couch instead of the bed but Dani stopped me.

“Go lay on the bed he texted me to force you in there.”

“Ughh fine.”

As soon as I laid down I popped a Tylenol and passed out. I didn’t wake up until I realized that someone was lying next to me in bed. Once I opened my eyes there was Adam stripped of all the makeup and whatnot. Just my perfect sweet Adam.

“You are perfect Em you know that right?”

“Only if someone tells me …”

“I would’ve never thought you’d accept me like you did … I was so scared.” His voice was small still lacking the authority I was used to. These were going to be completely new waters for us and he had not been totally ready to travel on them.

“I’ll always accept you, you should’ve never been frightened.” He went to snuggle me in close but he could feel me hesitating. He frowned and sighed a loud sigh.

”This is exactly what I was afraid of. I don’t want this to be awkward between us Em. I’m still the same me you’ve always known. It’s still ok to be cuddly, to snuggle and watch tv, it’s ok …”

“I know … I just don’t want Brad to feel like he’s sharing you with someone. It’s not fair …”

“He knew from the get-go it was a 2-for-1 package. He knew you’d ALWAYS be a huge part in my life. He knew about Chloe … he’s fine with this.”  

I allowed him to pull me close as I snuggled against his body feeling loved and protected. As I laid there snuggled on his chest something brilliant came to mind. If he was gay in ‘this life’ maybe if I got his life back on track I would be able to go back to MY life … I could do this. Adam could tell I was deep in thought and gently flopped me on my back as he hovered over me tickling me. I laughed and batted at his arms trying to get them away.

“What ya thinking about?”

“The future …”

“What about it?” His eyes were questioning but at the same time so peacefully at ease that I knew I could talk to him about how I was feeling.

“What I want to do with my life … where I wanna go …”

He pouted in frustration crossing his arms. “Em I said you could stay …”

“I know you did … and I’m grateful for that. What do you want in life … what are your dreams?”

“One day I’m going to be a star … my name will be in lights.” He then started giggling like his dream was completely preposterous. He realized I wasn’t laughing and stopped raising his eyebrow. “That will never happen Em … me famous?”

“You always have to believe in your dreams … you never know when/if they will come true. You are INSANELY talented Adam the world needs to see just how talented you are. You’re a star Adam Mitchel Lambert. But when you make it big you have to promise you’ll remember me.”

“Girl IF I make it big you’ll be right there at the top with me. Eating in all those fancy restaurants, walking red carpets & having the paparazzi trail us down the street. Who the hell are you kidding?”

I knew he was being sarcastic and I just played along. Oh if only he knew that in 9 years he would be prepping to go on a HUGE summer tour with Queen. I wish I knew how to start him back on track. As if by some strange coincidence the phone rang interrupting my thoughts. Adam saw who it was and immediately walked out into the hallway. By the way he spoke I could tell that it was a business call. A few minutes later Adam came in the room smiling.

“What is it?”

“I was just offered a role in the touring production of Wicked!!” He was bursting with excitement spinning around and flailing his arms. It was SOO cute.

“No way!!! Oh Adam I’m so proud of you!!”

“It’s just mostly for the ensemble but also for the understudy of Fieryo can you believe it?!?” His demeanor immediately changed as he realized what it meant and he frowned a bit sitting down next to me. “Will you be ok? I’m going to be gone a LONG time. I leave in 2 days for rehearsals. It starts in 2 weeks on March 9th in Toronto and runs to April 24th. Then I’m heading to Chicago from April 29th-June 12th and then back home from June 17th-July 31st. After that it’s to San Francisco from August 4th-September 11th.”

“Can I come visit?”

“Of course you can.”

“Is Brad going with you?” He looked at me a moment with a small smile.

“I was thinking about it … you said yourself you wanted us to be together. This could be our shot.”

“You deserve that Adam … just going to miss having you here is all.” Sadness filled my face and he frowned planting a kiss on both of my cheeks.

“Oh I’m gonna miss you too. Soo much.”

He snuggled me kissing me lips before pulling away and leaving the room to make the necessary phone calls. As much as it killed me it was for the best for me to keep my distance from him as much as possible to allow him to recreate his amazing life. Boy was he in for a shock and boy was I going to go on one wild ride.


	10. Like A Drug

**May 10 th 2005 **

The only reason I knew the date as soon as I opened my eyes was because I had it engrained in my brain for weeks. I was FINALLY going to be able to see Adam again. I had gotten a photo editor position at a magazine and was having the time of my life. This also allowed me to save up enough to make the plane trip to Chicago. I had tickets for that night’s performance of Wicked and I had found out the night before that he would be playing Fieryo today. So needless to say I couldn’t have been more excited. The whole plane journey was a blur my stomach filled with anxiousness and excitement. We talked a lot on the phone or thru texts but to see him again was going to be a whole other thing. I had really grown attached to him the little bit I had been close to him and he was like a drug that I just couldn’t quit. My plane landed and as soon as I grabbed my luggage and walked out there stood Adam and Brad jumping up and down to catch my attention. I ran over and Adam wrapped his arms around me practically yanking me off the ground.

“Hey Addy!!!”

“Oh it’s my Emmalyn I missed you SOOOOO much baby girl.” He playfully covered my face in kisses being his normal goofball self. God I missed him.

I walked over to Brad who was just as excited to see me. We had grown really close in the few months they had been gone as he had spent a lot of the time that Adam was at the theater chatting with me on Skype.

“Hey you.” He smiled and gave me a huge bear hug. He was too cute and I was so blessed to be able to know him. Pulling back he smirked at me and I could see the little wheels turning in his head.

“You know it had gotten to the point I forgot you were a real person and not just pixels on a screen.”

I playfully wacked him over the head he was such a loveable jerk. Together the three of us headed to the hotel that I was staying at. The production had put Adam up in an apartment complex with all the other performers and had been nice enough to let Brad stay with him no questions asked. They had to pay to live there but it wasn’t much only $250 a month. The hotel wasn’t anything fancy just a Holiday Inn but it was good enough for the few days I was able to get off work. I sat down on the bed and Adam pounced on the bed pulling me back to lay down next to him.

“Hey!” I giggled falling backward with a loud oomph onto the mattress.

“Hey what? Brad suddenly doesn’t like to cuddle so I need my cuddle buddy.”

“I didn’t say I don’t like to cuddle I just don’t want to be smothered or confined right now there’s a difference.” Brad barked at Adam his arms crossed tightly across his chest. What the hell was going on?

“Well Brad last time I checked that’s kinda the point of cuddling … could be wrong.” Adam response was laced with anger and resentment and I could see Brad stiffen up.

“Oh bite me.”

“Hey … play nice.”

Adam gave me an innocent smirk and pulled me in closer. I took a deep breath breathing his familiar scent that I had missed so much. Poor Brad sat down on a chair that was next to the bed looking left out.

“Brad are you ok?”

“Huh … oh yeah I’m ok.”

“You wanna come sit over here? I feel bad with you all the way over there.” I reached over and gently rubbed his arm reassuringly.

“Oh … yeah sure.” He nodded and sat next to us on the bed and leaned backward so he was half sitting and half laying down on his back. I reached over and grabbed his hand holding it as I laid there. The smile that crossed that boys face could’ve probably been seen from Mars. Adam saw and smiled himself.

“Oh Mr. Crabby finally smiled.”­­

“Again Adam, bite me. You’re being an ass that’s why I’m fucking crabby!” He got up and left the hotel room slamming the room door behind him. I pulled away from Adam and crossed my arms at him.

“What happened?”

“I made out with some guy at a club a few nights ago and this one has had his panties in a bunch ever since.”

“Adam how could you!?!” I moved away from him sitting on the edge of the bed in annoyance. How could he treat him so badly?

“What? It’s not like we’re exclusive or anything he can do whatever he wants. If he chooses not to that’s NOT my problem.”

I got up shaking my head and walked out of the room searching for Brad. I found him sitting on the bottom stair in the stairwell at the end of the hall. He had his knees drawn up to his chest with his arms wrapped in front of them. I knelt down in front of him and reached out caressing his cheek.

“You ok?”

“Yeah … I’ll be ok.”

“I know he’s an ass sometimes but he does love you.”

“I know he does … I just want to go home. If he doesn’t want things exclusive yet I don’t want to be here and watch him. I’d rather be somewhere else where I don’t have it right in front of me. It fucking hurts …”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“No … I don’t want him to know that I’m weak. He thinks I’m so strong … that nothing gets to me but it does!”

“Maybe if he knew he …”

“No … he wouldn’t. Thanks for coming to make sure I was ok though Emmalyn … it means a lot.”

He got a little choked up on the last word as tears made their way down his cheeks. I hugged him and surprisingly he pulled me in super close and refused to let me go. In his arms I just held him and rubbed his back. I could hear footsteps coming toward where we are and Adam walked in the doorway. Brad immediately let go of me and I just kissed his cheek before he left and walked toward the elevator. I walked over and gave Adam a good shove. He stumbled around a moment before catching his balance completely in shock.

“What the hell Em!?!”

“You are a complete jackass you know that don’t you. He loves you … and you’re hurting him. How the hell can you treat him like that?!?”

“He’s fine with it … I’m just not ready to make things exclusive yet.”

“No he’s not Adam it hurts him he’s just too proud to admit it to you. He wants to go back to LA. He said it would be easier for him to not have to see it right in front of him and can you blame him for that?!?”

“Yeah he told me that the other day … that’s why I made out with the guy.” His cell phone rang and after he hung up he sighed and looked at me. “That was the stage manager I have to head over there now they want to do a run thru. Em … are you mad at me.”

“Not mad but I am disappointed. You think with what is in your pants instead of your brain sometimes. I still love you though you know that.”

He sighed and hesitantly put his arms out wanting me to give him a hug. How could I resist that?

“I just need a day where we can finally sit down and talk. I’m off tomorrow but I planned to spend it with you …”

“You take care of this first and then we can hang out. That is if he wants to talk … he says he doesn’t.”

“He’s such a stubborn ass sometimes … but god I love him for that.”

“Takes one to know one Addy …”

“Alright I’ll give you that … he parked his car here before we came to get you. I don’t know if he’s even still here. Maybe you can hang out with him here till I get back if you can find him?”

I gave him a kiss and headed downstairs with him to try to find Brad. After Adam left I was finally able to find him sitting outside in his car. I walked over to the driver’s side and motioned for him to roll down the window.

“Adam had to go to the theater for a run thru. If you want to hang out with me I’m free.”

“I’d like that …”

He shut off his car and together we headed back up to my hotel room. I laid down on the bed and Brad hesitantly walked over waiting for me to give the ok.

“Come on silly it’s ok.” He gave me a small smile and laid down next to me on his side so we were looking at each other. Surprisingly he pulled me against him flopping on his back so I was closer to him.

“I like to cuddle … I just don’t want to with Adam when I can smell another guy’s cologne. I know we’re not exclusive and I get that I just don’t wanna see it ... or smell it for that matter.”

“I know what you mean sweetheart. I don’t know if you’ve heard but I’m a pretty good cuddler myself.”

“I may have heard something. Do you mind if I take off my shirt? It’s uncomfortably hot in here.”

“No … that’s fine."

I pulled away allowing him to slide off his fitted black t-shirt. He wasn’t overly muscular but just enough to be considered average. He sure was a cutie pie. He smiled at me and opened his arms urging me to bring myself in them again. I laid on my stomach right up against him with his arms wrapped around me and my arm draped across his body. I so missed the feeling of a warm body against me, it was one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. The slow rise and fall of his chest must’ve lulled me to sleep because I was awoken to the clicking of a room key following by the heavy metal door clicking shut. My back cracked as I stretched stiffened from the position I had been in. Brad yawned and by his still sleepy eyes I realized that he had fallen asleep as well. Adam stood at the foot of the bed looking at us with a cheeky grin.

“You two have a nice nap?”

“Yeah …” I mumbled letting out a loud yawn. Damn I was still tired.

“I wasn’t asleep long but it was enough to recharge I guess.” Brad’s voice was quiet but lacking the frustration and aggravation it had earlier. 

“Em … I was wondering. Would you give me a massage? Damn I could use one right about now. Babe I don’t think I ever told you but her massages are even better than Trina’s AND she does them for free.”

“No … no you didn’t.” I could tell that he was trying to apologize to Brad and was first testing the waters. Both of them looked like they wanted to talk but were avoiding it.

“I thought you were going to want me to. I brought some of that lotion that you love.”

“YES I fucking love you have I ever told you that?”

“Not nearly enough … and besides you’re a working performer now I just might have to charge. Brad if you want one I’d be happy to give you one too but yours will be free. The introductory massage is at no charge.”

I winked at him and stuck my tongue out at Adam who was ‘but but butting’ at me while Brad laughed at him. While I was looking for the lotion I could hear the two of them talking and Brad breaking his defenses and telling Adam how he felt. I hesitated a few extra minutes and then slowly walked out. Brad was curled against Adam with Adam’s arms wrapped around him.

“Awe did my babies kiss and make up?”

“I admitted I was a thoughtless ass. It’s not going to be an overnight fix but I’m willing to make it work if he is.”

“I am … I really am. I love you Ad.”

They kissed and I squealed like a prepubescent tween girl … god they were SO adorable. Adam shook his head playfully and Brad grabbed me pulling me down in between them. Right then I was in my favorite spot in the world snuggled up with my two favorite guys. This is the life.


	11. I Will Always Be Yours

**September 6 th 2005**

Pictures littered my coffee table in my new apartment as Adam and Brad tried to decide their favorites for a post Burning Man album they were making. Images of groups in outrageous costumes, makeup the crazier the better and sand LOTS of sand. Adam extended his reddened arm to me sliding over a photo. It was him in a black top with fishnet arms, huge gaudy silver chain around his neck staring at the camera with pouty lips and magenta eyes. Next to him was their friend Alan (or Allana as he went by there) chest to chest with Adam shirtless except for some ridiculous white sash with tassels and a menagerie of silver and gold chains. The same pouty lips except with mahogany tinted sparkle, eyes framed with black sunglasses a yellow visor adorned with rainbow striping pulled down low over them. After allowing me to look at it a moment he spoke.

“I think this is my favorite. We had SO much fun Em you HAVE to come with us next year.”

“Yes! We all would have a blast and I couldn’t think of anyone I would like to join us more.”

I slid the photo back over toward them and slumped backward against the couch I was sitting on. “No offense guys but camping in a desert for a week isn’t my idea of a good time.”

“It’s not about the environment … it’s the people you meet, the experiences you have. There was this thing where they released 100 red balls and …”

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. I could tell as soon as he answered that it was Alan. Once the tour for Wicked got back to LA and then San Francisco, the two of them had met a lot of new people and started hanging out again with some old friends of Adams. Cassidy, Lee, Scarlett, Carmit, Jonny, Johnny, Sutan, Terrance … these were just some of the names and people I knew only from photographs. People I knew from listening to Brad or Adam tell stories about them or having our convos interrupted by their phone calls. I had tried to keep my distance a bit even moving out and allowing the boys to have the house to themselves. Their house parties were the stuff of legends but I had never been to one. To say I was looking forward to tonight would be an understatement. We rented a bunch of movies and they were going to stay the night. Adam and Brad had walked out of the room when Alan called and it took about 10 minutes for them to return. By the looks on their faces I could tell they were going to ditch me … again. It wouldn’t be the first time that’s for sure. I let out a small sigh and Adam frowned at me.

“Some of the people we went to Burning Man with are leaving to head back to NYC tomorrow. Alan thought that we should all party together one last time.”

“Like you didn’t party together enough all week …” I had muttered it under my breath not necessarily intending for them to hear it but they did anyway. Brad took a couple steps toward me trying to soften the blow.

“Em …”

“No you know what its ok. I just remember I have a big deadline for work on Monday anyway. So go ahead and ditch me … it’s cool.”

The tears wanted to come out of my eyes so bad but I was using every last ounce of my strength to hold them in. Adam could read me much better than Brad and he could see that I was hurting. He went to hug me but I just stood there coldly not reciprocating any bit of affection.

“We don’t have to go … we can stay.”

“What and have you be pissed off at me? No go ahead it’s not the first time and it certainly won’t be the last.”

“What do you mean?” Brad huffed with a bit of an annoyed attitude because of me calling them out. I usually just let the attitude roll off my back but I was upset and feeling worthless.

“What do I mean?!? Really you actually just asked me that!?! In the last 2 months we’ve made plans for you both to spend the night 4 times. Let’s see … the 1st time Cassidy had a show and he invited the both of you. The 2nd your crew showed up at the house for a kiki and you “ _forgot_ ”. The 3rd time Alan called and invited you out of town for the weekend and now this. Every time you need me I’m here. Every damn late night phone call venting because you two got in a fight again, every damn time. I know that I’m not as cool as your friends but dammit I matter too. You think that once I could be invited to meet them but no I have to read about your adventures on Myspace or listen to the both of you bragging about “ _how much fun you had”_ I’m sick of it!”

“You don’t want to go do things with us. You only want to hang out here!” Brad’s voice was a little bit elevated but I didn’t care I was done and beyond giving a shit.

“Who the fuck said that?!? I’ll go anywhere to hang IF I’M FUCKING INVITED!!!!”

“Em … you don’t really drink and besides most everyone we hang out with are gay. It’s awkward to have a fruit fly hanging around … and they don’t know the side of me that you do.” I couldn’t believe that Adam had basically just said that he was embarrassed of me. It made my heart break into a thousand tiny pieces. I looked at him with broken eyes laced with bitterness.

“Oh my mistake I wouldn’t want to ruin your asshole rep. Keep it up you’re doing a fantastic job.”

“I’m sorry Em, look tomorrow we’re free and we’ll ….” It wasn’t going to be THAT easy for them. I didn’t want to be around them the way I felt. I was hurt and they were going to have to earn me back if they wanted me in their life.

“No that’s fine, I’m busy. Can you do me a favor though?”

“What’s that?” Even with the tension in the air he perked up a bit willing to do whatever I asked. It only made it hurt that much more.

“Tell Alan to send me back the real Adam and Brad. The ones that did whatever the fuck they wanted and didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. He can keep you both.”

I walked over to the door past the table full of snacks and an unopened pizza box spreading its delicious aroma across the room. Originally I had a glimmer of hope they would choose me over them but now I just wanted to be alone. They both slowly left realizing this and then I was left alone in the deafening silence. Thru the anger and the tears I remembered said pizza and somewhere between my 3rd and 4th slice I came to my senses. I don’t drink … I’m just a fruit fly HA I’ll show them. Scrambling thru my closet I found a short slinky black dress and began to gather everything else I would need. Strappy high heeled sandals CHECK … push-up bra CHECK! In record time I got dressed and took a long swig from a bottle of vodka that Adam had brought over a few weeks before as a housewarming present knowing full well they would be the ones benefitting the most from it. They only lived about 3 blocks away so I grabbed a brown paper bag and tucked the bottle of Smirnoff in it before starting my journey. By this point it was going on 10pm and the partying was in full swing. Parading thru the streets filled with cat calls and ogling I finally made it to the house feeling a bit anxious. Alan answered the door and gave me a once over from head to toe disapprovingly.

“And you are?”

“Oh Alan hi it’s SO good to FINALLY meet. I’m a friend of Adam and Brad’s … I brought this.” I pulled the bottle out presenting it in front of me. He went to take it but I tightened my grip pulling it back toward me. He gave me a ‘bitch you crazy’ look but moved aside letting me enter.

“The party is in the living room …”

“Ok … thank you.”

I walked into the living room area where Terrance, Johnny, Sutan and some other people I didn’t recognize were. They were all talking but stopped as soon as I entered. Sutan looked over at me with a huge smile on his face.

“Wow I never thought I would see the day. Emmalyn you are gorgeous.” He walked over kissing both of my cheeks as I stood there dumbfounded.

“How do you know who I am?”

“Oh honey Brad and Adam talk about you ALL the time. Hell it’s like I know you already. They didn’t say you were coming this is a pleasant surprise. Come here let me introduce you to everyone.”

He slowly walked around the room making sure I knew who everyone was. Then he made a spot for me on the couch and got me some kind of mixed drink. He plucked the Smirnoff from the bag and before I realized it I was finishing my 2nd drink. Feeling a little tipsy I tried to push back a drink that Eli, one of the guys I had just met, had handed me but he slid it back insisting. Finally I accepted and took a few tiny sips. About 15 minutes later I started getting dizzy … like REALLY dizzy. Eli noticed and looked at me concerned.

“Emmalyn are you ok? You look awful come on I’ll help you go lie down for a bit.”

My walking was a bit wobbly but with his help I made it to the spare bedroom extension they had recently added. He helped me lie down but then instead of leaving he laid on top of me groping at my boobs his tongue assaulting my mouth. I pulled away delivering a loud smack across his face.

“Like fucking hell you’re going to touch me!!!”

I don’t know why I did it because all it succeeded in doing was pissing him off further. He was starting to pull off my dress when Sutan burst in the room grabbing him by the throat and yanking him off.

“If you value your life I would get the fuck out of this house. Remember the conversation we had at Burning Man about people we’d risk our lives for? This girl right here is the one person Adam would defend to his death. This will NOT end well for if you don’t leave and NOW!”

Eli’s face turned ghost white and he scrambled out of the room apologizing profusely the whole time. Sutan immediately came over and gave me a hug rubbing my back.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine … thanks to you.”

“Well Eli was taking too long and I know how he gets sometimes if he’s drinking. Do you want me to go get Adam?”

“Oh no that’s ok … they don’t even know I’m here.”

“I figured such. Both of them, especially Adam, were so upset tonight. Alan has them outback with our New York friends trying to keep their spirits up. They both love you so much I hope you realize that. You are an absolute sweetheart I’m glad we got to meet you. All our LA crew ADORES you.”

“Everyone except Alan …” I frowned and he gently rubbed my arm.

“Oh don’t worry about him he’s had his panties in a bunch all night trying to cheer up the boys. He’ll come around. Did you introduce yourself to him?”

“No I didn’t and it didn’t seem like he knew me either.”

“That’s weird that he didn’t recognize you they show us pictures ALL the time.”

I started to get dizzy again and let out a groan flopping back down on the bed. Sutan gently rubbed my head and then walked into the attached bathroom to get me an Advil and a cup of water.

“Just close your eyes for a while, we’ll come check on you.”

“Thanks … I’m such a lightweight I don’t drink very often. I just wanted to impress everyone.”

“Next time just be yourself … we’ll love you anyway.” He chuckled and then left the room softly closing the door behind him.

Over the next 2 hours they all took turns coming to check on me. They were all so sweet just like my Addy. The party was ending and I was just about to drift off when I heard a panicked Adam. I couldn’t make out everything that he was saying all I knew was that apparently he had gone back to my house to check on me and freaked out seeing that I wasn’t there. It sounded like Sutan was explaining that I was there and then Adam said something asking why he hadn’t been told I was there. The door then softly opened and Adam walked in and over to the other side of the bed. He sat down gently caressing my cheek and I sleepily opened my eyes.

“Are you ok? How are you feeling?” A look of concern covered his face and I could tell he was genuinely worried.

“Better than I was …”

“You scared me, I went back to your apartment and you weren’t there. I didn’t know where you were.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you …” As much as the two of them pissed me off tonight I could never truly stay mad at them. They were my best friends and meant THE WORLD to me.

“No I’m the one who should be sorry we should never have ditched you. The truth is, I never invited you because I knew they would love you. I knew they would take you in and then I would lose you. You’re like a rare and beautiful flower. On one hand I want to cherish you and keep you safe from any harm and yet on the other I want to show you off so everyone can appreciate your beautiful loving spirit. You’re my precious little flower … and I just wasn’t ready to share you yet.”

“Addy I will always be yours … always. Your friends are very sweet they all took turns checking on me. Especially … Sutan.” I let out a yawn and Adam curled up next to me bringing me into his arms.

“You sleep now I got you and everything is going to be just fine. I’m right here … your Addy is right here.”

Sutan walked into the room to say goodbye and smiled at the sight. Instead of letting me go afraid to let others see this vulnerable side of him he pulled me in closer.

“I see you’re feeling better Emmalyn?”

“Much … thanks for everything.”

“No problem sweetheart anytime. Goodnight Ad, I see you got yourself a cuddlebug.”

“I sure do and I couldn’t trade her for a million dollars.” He smiled at me and I looked up at him with a tired smile on my face … he was damn near perfect when he wanted to be.

“You keep that one close to you and Brad she’s an absolute gem.”


	12. Better Than I Know Myself

**April 8 th 2006**

Loud knocking on the door roused me from bed and I looked at the clock … 2am. Once I got to the door and saw the flashing lights I let out a sigh. Standing at the door was my cop friend Dave.

“Sorry to wake you Emmalyn. They have Adam down at the station again … disorderly conduct.”

I let out a loud sigh bringing my hand to my forehead shaking it.  

“How much this time?”

“I believe $850 …you HAVE to get him to stop this. Next time I don’t know if I’ll be able to convince them to throw out the jail time. I think he was using again tonight he was acting very erratic. He’s lucky he didn’t have anything on him.”

“Thanks Dave … I really appreciate this.”

“I have to get back on patrol I just wanted to let you know.”

After thanking him again I walked back inside to get dressed. The past 2 months Adam and Brad had put me thru hell. They had gotten involved with the wrong crowd, celebrity types with their crazy partying and drug use. Cocaine mostly but also LSD and pot. Every night I cried myself to sleep worried I was going to get a phone call telling me they were gone. On top of all that the boys were on the outs again not even talking so Brad had moved out temporarily couch surfing at friends’ houses. Once I arrived at the station I hesitantly pulled out my credit card to pay his fine. Just the week before I had FINALLY paid it all off. After it was paid they went to get Adam and release him to me. By this time whatever drugs were in his system had started to wear off. He could tell I was pissed so he didn’t say anything to me just got in the car and curled up in the passenger seat leaning his head against the window. When we got back to my apartment he stayed in the car until I walked over and pulled open his door.

“Are you planning on spending the night in here?”

“No …” His voice was timid and he avoided eye contact with me. It was weird seeing this submissive side of him but I was so sick of the crap they were putting me thru I wasn’t going to let him off easy.

“Then come on it’s cold out here. Let’s get inside …” Cautiously he followed me inside and sat down on the couch. I sat next to him and he hung his head. “What did they get you for tonight?”

“I was having sex with some guy I met on Grindr and Brad showed up … we were having words outside my building.”

“And the drugs? What this time?”

“No … no drugs.” He shook his head nervously avoiding eye contact.

“Don’t fucking bullshit me Adam! Dave saved you ass tonight they wanted to give you 30 days in jail!”

“Coke …”

“You HAVE to stop … I can’t take this emotionally or financially. It was another $850 tonight …”

“I’ll pay you back …”

“It’s not even about the money Adam. I cry myself to sleep every damn night worried I’m going to get that phone call that one of you is gone … and I just can’t anymore.” Tears pooled up in my eyes and Adam looked at me almost apologetically. “Please Addy … for me? Please …”

“I’m scared that I can’t Em … it’s much worse than you know. It’s every night just about ….” Tears streamed down my face and surprisingly he pulled me against him protectively rubbing my back for the first time in months. “I can’t do it alone … I need you. You’re the only one that can keep my mind off the edge. You know me better than I know myself.”

“I’m here always have been always will be. Come on lets go get some sleep in my room. I don’t want you to be stuck out here.”

“I’m come lay with you but I doubt I’ll sleep, still a bit edgy.”

Having him in bed next to me relaxed me and I was able to fall into a deep sleep for the first time in forever. When I woke up in the morning Adam wasn’t with me. Immediately I started to panic.

“Adam?!?”

There was a noise coming from the living room so I followed it to see Adam having sex with some random guy on my couch.

“THIS IS NOT OK!!!”

They didn’t stop so I ran into the kitchen grabbing a pitcher of ice cold water and throwing it on them. I knew it would get them to stop but I didn’t expect Adam to turn on me and shove me hard against the wall. Standing nose-to-nose with me I looked into his dilated pupils and my heart sank. He let go of me and just stood there staring.

“Get out!! Get your things and this guy and go. You’re NOT using drugs in my house!!”

He surprisingly didn’t fight me, just stumbled out half naked with the guy following right behind. I then called his phone leaving a voicemail for when he sobered up.

 _“It’s me … I can’t believe you Adam. In my house?!? I can’t do this with you, NO MORE. When and if you decide to get clean give me a call. I love you so much and this kills me but I have to. If you want help you can contact Dave and he’ll give you phone numbers_.”


	13. Lake Tahoe

**August 1 st 2006**

I hadn’t heard from Adam since he had been to my house. Brad had decided to get clean and other than the occasional joint (which I was perfectly ok with) he was doing a great job. He even got a position as a script writer for some TV show and had his own apartment with 2 other guys. We would occasionally meet up for lunch or for a drink but we were always in touch by text. I had tried to text Adam a bunch of times but he never answered. As I sat on the couch eating a bowl of Cheerios my phone started to ring. The number was one I didn’t recognize but I answered it anyway.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hi Em …”_

I would know that voice from anywhere and even though it had been months it still seemed like I had just heard it the day before.

_“Adam?!?”_

_“Yeah it’s me … I’m clean have been for almost 4 months.”_

_“That’s great! I’m proud of you …”_

_“I’m so sorry for everything I put you through. You of all people didn’t deserve it. I know I don’t belong asking you this but I really need you right now. I’m so unhappy and I need my Emmalyn, I need to see you.”_

_“Where are you?”_

_“Lake Tahoe … I’m in a show.”_

_“Oh, well I’m off the next 2 days so if you want I can come today. I would rather not make the drive alone though …”_

_“It’s fine if you bring someone. Who would you bring?”_

_“I don’t know. Dani is out of town and all my friends have work tomorrow.”_ There was silence on the line for a good 30 seconds before Adam piped back up again.

_“Do you still talk to Brad?”_

_“Yeah, we’ve been out a few times. He’s gotten clean as well.”_

_“Can he come?”_

_“I don’t know … would that be ok with you?”_

_“Yeah I’d love to see him again. It was the drugs that tore us apart, they ruined everything that was good in my life. They took the both of you away.”_

_“I tried to text you, you never answered.”_

_“I lost my phone about a week after I last saw you. I was buying crack from some guy and his friend attacked me from behind smashing my head to the concrete. When I came to I was in a bush in the park and everything was gone my wallet, my phone. That’s when I said enough is enough.”_

_“Oh my god were you ok?!?”_ I let out a loud inhale of air and Adam chuckled a bit … he would never tire of my protective nature. He always joked that if they could bottle me nobody would ever die of loneliness.

_“Yeah I was fine just shaken up. l have to go now but if you find someone to come with I’m at Harvey’s Lake Tahoe Casino and Resort. Come to the event center and have me paged we have a show at 9pm.”_

_“I will … I love you Adam.”_

_“You don’t know what it feels like to hear you say that … I love you too Emmalyn.”_

The second I hung up I immediately called Brad. Very rarely did I call him I mostly just texted so he answered sounding a bit worried.

_“Is everything ok?!?”_

_“Yeah everything is fine I just have to ask you something.”_

_“Oh ok you had me worried for a minute. What do you need sweetheart?”_

_“Are you free the next couple days?”_

_“I can be if you need me why what’s up?”_ This was just one of the many reasons why I loved this guy so much. He was always willing to be there for me if I needed him. What a phenomenal friend.

_“Adam called me …”_

_“He did? How is he?!?”_ His words were laced with a heavy amount of worry even after months of not talking. It was obvious that he still cared a great deal for him.

_“He’s clean, almost 4 months now. He’s doing a show in Lake Tahoe and he said he really needs to see me. I didn’t want to make the trip alone and he suggested I invite you.”_

_“Wait … he wants ME to come too?”_

_“Yeah he wants us there tonight though. Can you leave NOW? I just have to get changed.”_

_“Yeah I’m just finishing up having coffee with a friend I can be there in 20 minutes ok?”_

_“Perfect … see you then.”_

I didn’t think we would EVER get to there. Seven hours behind the wheel is a long time. By the time we got to Harvey’s it was 7pm already. At the box office we asked if security could go get Adam and not even 5 minutes later I saw him approaching. Immediately I ran down the hallway and he caught me in his arms lifting me up so I could wrap my body around him. I nuzzled into his neck completely at ease.

“I missed you … so much.”

“And I missed you Em.” His smell was so familiar and yet foreign from so much time away. I found myself breathing it in trying to engrain it so I’d never lose it again.

“You can let me down now.”

“Not a freakin chance.”

He gave me a kiss and walked over to Brad still holding me. Brad stared at him almost as though he had forgotten what he looked like. Adam killed the deafening silence between the two of them by giving him a passionate kiss. Brad giggled his cute little embarrassed giggle his face bright pink.

“Well hello to you too Ad.”

“I missed you, I’m sorry for everything I did … to the both of you. I never want to be without you both ever again … it was terrible.” He gently set me down and gave me another hug. It was like he couldn’t bear to be away from me and it was the cutest thing. “I better go get ready for the show why don’t you both head to my apartment you can stay there it has 2 bedrooms.”

“We’re not going to see your show?” Brad raised his eyebrow in confusion and Adam responded with an embarrassed glance his hands wrung nervously.

“Oh no please don’t. I don’t want either of you to go through that.”

“Why? What is it Addy?” He had me curious now with the way he was acting. There’s no way in hell it could be THAT bad. Not with him staring in it.

“Debby Does Dallas, the musical.”

“Debby Does Dallas as in THE Debby Does Dallas?” Brad’s eyes grew wide and a giggle escaped his mouth. Adam responded by nervously nudging his arm.

“Yes Brad as in the porno, it’s a topless show. Please just don’t come. Go back to the apartment and I’ll head over right after the show.”

We made our way to the address he provided getting lost no less than 4 times. It was HUGE especially considering that he only paid $200 a month to say there. The rest of the $1000 was covered by the casino. We just curled up on the couch together and watched TV waiting for Adam to come home. When he finally did and walked in the door we had to laugh. There he stood his tousled bleach blonde hair in a million different directions and wearing a football uniform.

“Wow Mr. Lambert I never thought I’d see the day.” I playfully teased admiring him from my seated position on the couch.

“Yeah well neither did I. It’s my part in the show … I play Dick the quarterback.”

Brad turned into a mess of giggles he was such a 5 year old. Adam tackled him to the ground where he let out a ‘oomph’.

“Ouch babe …” Brad was staring up at Adam and he locked him in passionate kisses pressing him down into the carpet. After continuing a few minutes Brad pulled away panting. “Stop Adam …”

“Why … I know you want it.” Adam growled with lust filled eyes wanting nothing more than to rip off every last shred of clothing. Brad let out a gulp and glanced up to where I sat on the couch smirking.

“Don’t stop on account of me. I’m going to go watch TV in the bedroom for a while. Have fun boys …”

Adam mouthed thank you as I got up making my way to the bedroom. After popping in my earbuds I pulled up a couple episodes of some random show on my iPad. After an hour and ½ Adam walked into the bedroom I was in. I took out the earbuds and Adam laid down next to me.

“You’re an angel you know that don’t you? Thank you for that.”

“No problem Addy. Where’s Brad?”

“Curled up in my bed sleeping.”

“Aww were you too rough on him?”

“Emmmm …” His face turned bright red and he playfully tickled me. I ran my fingers thru his hair lovingly and he gave me a relaxed sigh. “I needed this … I needed to see familiar faces. I hate this job I’m so unhappy I just want to leave but I can’t. I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

“Don’t be silly you can move in with me.”

“I can’t, I don’t have any other job offers … or money. I owe you enough already.”

I shook my head gently rubbing his cheek before I kissed it. “Don’t worry about that … you are alive and well. That’s all that matters to me.”

“You sure you wouldn’t mind?” His eyes were so broken and it killed me to see that. He didn’t deserve to feel this down about himself after he finally had started to turn his life around again.

“Not at all Addy … I’m always here if you need me.” He went to give me a hug and winced grabbing at his shoulder quickly bringing it downward. I gently touched it and even my slight touch made him jolt. “You ok?”

“I hurt my shoulder during the show and it still hurts quite a bit.”

“Want your favorite masseuse to take care of it for you?”

“Mmm that would be LOVELY. Thank you Em you’re a doll.”


	14. What Happens On The Playa Stays On The Playa

**September 3 rd 2007**

I made my way into my apartment and immediately made my way to the shower and sat down under the shower stream in my bra and underwear for almost an entire hour. The constant pounding was a welcome relief to my dried out playa caked skin. The last week was one of THE most amazing weeks of my life. The boys had convinced me to go to Burning Man with them and I had never thought that it would be such a life changing experience. We shared food with complete strangers, rode bikes across the playa exploring, and even went to a rave and enjoyed some “environment enhancers”. Getting to experience this week with the 2 people I loved more than anything was simply amazing. The community had welcomed me in with open arms and other than slight embarrassment over their virgin ceremony everything was wonderful. The one night Brad had gone to bed early and Adam and I laid on the playa under the stars just talking about the future. We were still a bit high so we were mostly talking nonsense but right then Adam realized he had to take control of his destiny, that no one but him could make his dreams come true. He wasn’t totally HATING his job (he had gotten a job in the ensemble and backup for Fieryo the previous February in the Los Angeles production) but he LONGED to be able to be himself, not play a role not in the background but right in the spotlight. To have ‘Adam Lambert’ on a sign in lights. I was just finishing getting changed when I heard the front door unlock and open. When I walked into the living room there stood Adam and Brad. 

“Just wanted to check in and make sure you’re ok. That playa dust can be a real bitch.” I smiled, it was so Adam to just want to check in to make sure I was ok. I mean they only lived a couple blocks away but still.

“I’m ok other than I think I burned my back.”

“Welcome to the effects of living in Black Rock City for a week.” Brad teased his own arm bright red from the elbow up to his shoulder.

“Come into the bathroom with me a minute and I’ll rub some aloe on it for you.”

“Awe thanks Addy.” He followed me into the bathroom retrieving the bottle of aloe. I grabbed my shirt pulling the back over my head leaving it on. Soon his hands were rubbing tenderly in the cooling relief. I pulled the back down again. “Is it burned badly?”

“Not too bad I think it’s more irritated than burned.”

“Irritated?” What the hell did he mean why would my back be irritated?

“Yeah from the playa the other night … wait you don’t remember do you?”

“Apparently not …”

“Well they do say what happens on the playa stays on the playa.” I looked at him curiously begging for an answer. He smirked at me and kissed me. It was if his lips triggered something and visions of us half naked making out rolling around the playa came to mind. My face turned beet red and I smirked at him sheepishly.

“Sorry Adam …”

“No, nothing to say sorry for it was damn hot. Can’t say I hated it.”

“It sure looked hot in my mind just now. You’ve always been an amazing kisser.”

“Well thank ya doll. You’re not too bad yourself.” He playfully winked at me nudging my arm … he was perfect.

“Does Brad know?”

“Yeah he was pissed I didn’t wake him up so he could take part.”

I broke into a fit of laughter … I had no idea what in the world I would do without them.


	15. Bohemian Rhapsody ... The Circle Begins

**July 17 th 2008**

A mixture of anxiety and nervousness clung over me as I sat by the phone. At least Brad was there with me which was helping to keep me sane … somewhat anyway. Brad was pacing back and forth across my tiny living room which was starting to drive me nuts.

“What time is it?”

“It’s 2:18pm … 5 minutes after the last time you asked. Relax Brad … relax.”

“Sorry I know my asking isn’t helping … I’m just so nervous for him.”

I walked over and made us a couple B-52 shots using Kahlua, Amaretto and Bailey’s and brought Brad’s over to him.

“Here … to help with the nerves.”

“Thanks …” He grabbed the shot glass from me clinking it with mine before downing it.

They definitely helped to take the edge off of waiting and we put some music and were dancing around like fools. The phone ringing stopped the impromptu party and I nearly did a header tripping over the couch trying to reach it while Brad muted the music.

“Addy I’m putting you on speaker.” I pulled the phone away and punched a couple buttons. Brad stood there with his fingers and arms crossed. “Ok you’re on speaker.”

“Who’s there with you?”

“Brad’s here.”

“I made it … they sent me to the Hollywood round.”

“YES! Oh my god Adam I’m so happy for you!!” I squeed and was jumping around like a lunatic with Brad it was a very interesting sight that’s for sure.

“Congrats babe! I knew you could do it!”

“What did you decide to audition with?” Two days before we had spent a good chunk of the day and most of the night with him agonizing over his song choice. He just could NOT make up his mind at all.

“First with ‘Rock With You’ then they asked me to sing another so I chose ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’.”

“Oh I bet it was amazing I can’t wait to see! What did the judges say?”

“Got 4 yes votes but Simon said I was ‘too theatrical’.”

Brad let out a snort of laughter. “Oh please he’s just jealous he doesn’t look as drop dead gorgeous as you do. My sexy baby … I’m so damn lucky.”

“It’s me who’s the lucky one. I’m going to let you go we are going to start our drive home. As soon as we get back I’ll head over to your house Em. Brad you’re staying there right?”

“Yes babe we’ve been planning your celebration.”

“Celebration? Already? How could you be sure they would put me thru?”

“Easy Addy … if on the SLIGHT chance you didn’t make it was to celebrate how much better you are than them. How they didn’t deserve to have you on their stupid shitty show.”

“God I fucking love you both so much.”


	16. Relationship Status

**October 10 th 2008**

Tears drenched my shirt and I was stiff as hell but I didn’t dare move. I finally had gotten Adam to fall asleep and I was sitting with my back against the couch arm. Adam was laying backward on my chest using one of my boobs as a pillow. He looked so sad even sleeping … my poor baby. His heart was completely and utterly crushed. My fingers ever so softly trailed through his hair and he let out a little sniffle before drifting back to sleep. He had walked in on Brad having sex with one of their friends and it broke him. They have fallen so much in love … like head over heels in love. He was Adam’s one and only that’s for sure. Everything had been ok until the day that Adam decided to audition for Idol. I knew that Brad was just jealous of him and his possible success but of course Adam blamed himself. Poor Addy … I just felt terrible. Just when things had finally started to go his way this happens. The sweet thing was that out of anywhere he could’ve gone he ran right to me. He still saw me as a safe place even after everything and that was a beautiful thing. I slowly slid downward hoping I could lay down on my back and successfully not wake him. I was almost down when he sleepily opened his eyes.

“Am I hurting you?”

“You’re not it was just the position I was in. How about you come sleep in my room with me?”

“Okay …” His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper and it killed me. He slowly got up sniffling a bit on the way. As soon as I laid down he snuggled right up against me again. I kissed his forehead and he looked at me with his ocean blue eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you for being someone I can always come to.”

His eyes grew wet with tears again I lovingly shushed him. “Don’t give him anymore of your tears he’s not worth it if he’s not ready to support you. You’re going to make your dreams come true and I couldn’t be more proud. I love you Adam. Dry your eyes and get some rest ok? You stay right here with me I’ll never leave you …”

He nodded and then reached up to give me a kiss. Before 5 minutes past he was out cold again. When I woke up in the morning I was curled up on Adam’s bare chest and he was lazily dragging his fingertips along my spine. Right then I felt so peaceful and I looked up at him with a sleepy smile. I reached up brushing my fingers thru his mangled mane.

“Did I do this myself?”

“Oh, no when I woke up I just felt like having you here. You didn’t even stir.”

“How long have I been here?” I yawned snuggling in closer this felt so amazingly perfect.

“Oh almost 3 hours … your phone has been going off.”

He reached over and grabbed my phone handing it to me. There were a bunch of messages from Adam’s friends. Apparently Brad had changed his Myspace relationship status to single and nobody could get in touch with Adam so they were worried. As I had the phone in my hand Dani texted me for the 15th time which made Adam cock his head in confusion.

“Brad changed his relationship status on Myspace and everyone is worried about you. I’m going to text Dani back and she can spread the word ok?”

“Okay …”

I texted Dani back that Adam was ok and that he had been with me all night. Then I asked if she could please spread the word to everyone so they would stop with the texts. After I put the phone down on the nightstand I looked into Adam’s eyes. He wasn’t crying anymore but they were swollen and puffy from the night before. I frowned and lightly rubbed them.

“They hurt?”

“Yeah, they’re super sensitive. Em … what do I do now?”

“You focus on you, you have SO many friends rooting for you and supporting you. You don’t need a self-centered doubting douchebag bringing you down. You deserve much better than that and you will find it when the time is right.”

“If you grew a dick right now I would marry the hell out of you.”

We both fell into a fit of giggles … oh why couldn’t I have been born a guy.


	17. I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

**May 20 th 2009**

Most of Adam’s friends and family had crowded around the television sets in a small bar awaiting the results. When Kris was named the winner you could’ve heard a pin drop. Then this god awful sound of boos, hisses, and the like rose out of the back of the room filling the air like some kind of 2 year olds pots and pans symphony. I was supposed to be there with him but he wanted Drake there. Drake was his new boyfriend of the moment and he was nice and all but there was just something off about him. I knew that Adam wouldn’t be able to call as there were media interview and after parties but I longed to hear his voice. If I had talked to him a dozen times over the past 4 months I was lucky. They kept him SO busy I hadn’t even seen him other than 5 minutes at his ‘Welcome Home’ ceremony. About 12am there was a knock on my door and imagine my shock when I opened it to see Adam standing there. Immediately tears came to my eyes and he pulled me into a tight hug as he led me over to the couch.

“Congratulations Addy I’m so freakin proud of you.” We reached the couch and he sat me on his lap staring at him. He looked so happy but so tired at the same time.

“I just had to sneak away for a bit to see you. I have to be back at 4am for satellite interviews.”

“Shouldn’t you go get some sleep then?”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead you’re MUCH more important.” He smirked and kissed my forehead holding me tightly.  

“Aww shucks babe you make me feel so damn special.”

“You deserve it I know that I haven’t gotten to talk to you much and I want to thank you. Your daily messages always made me feel so special. Thank you for always sending me flowers, the others were so jealous. They always joked they were going to steal you from me.”

“No way in hell I’m all yours.”

“Well what if they offered you like $20k would you then?”

“Nope not even for a million. Your love and having you as my best friend is priceless to me.”

“Awe I love you too doll.”

Staring at him it was hard to believe that he was now a household name. That he had his face on magazines and plastered on billboards. To me he was still my Addy the loveable goofball that always cuddled with me and loved to sit under the stars. He caught my glare and started poking at my neck causing me to dissolve into a fit of giggles.

“What are you staring at miss thing?”

“I just can’t believe it … I can’t believe you’re famous. To me you’re still my Addy …”

“And I always will be. Em why weren’t you at the taping tonight?”

He looked so sad that I wasn’t there. I couldn’t believe that nobody had told him. That he thought that I hadn’t gone on my own account.

“I wanted to go and I was going to. But they screwed up the ticket count and I knew you would want Drake there. I was at the viewing party at the bar instead.”

“Awe thank you.”

His phone started going mad from texts and then a call came through. He answered and I could hear what the guy said even though it wasn’t on speaker. The voice was chastising him in such a way that a mother would a disobedient child telling him to get back to the set NOW. Adam hung up and smiled at me.

“Come back with me?”

“I don’t know …”

“Please?” He pouted at me making me giggle and I quickly ran to throw on something that looked good. Before I knew it we were pulling up to the Fox lot and walking inside. A producer came running over and I could tell he was the one who called.

“Adam we asked you to stay on set … or at least take security with you.”

Adam smirked extending his arms to prove that he was unharmed. “I’m fine Nigel really. See I’m in one piece.”

“Yes thankfully. Your family left while you were gone. Oh who is this with you?”

“This is my best friend Emmalyn. Do you think you could get her clearance so she can stay with me?” He looked at Nigel with begging eyes until he finally just sighed.

“Stay here for a minute and I’ll be right back.”

We stood around for a few with random people coming over to say hello and wish Adam luck in the future. Nigel came back with an all-access pass with my name and then we were allowed on set. Adam led me down the twisting hallways to what he called ‘his lounge’. It was like a mini apartment complete with a sofa bed, refrigerator, microwave and TV. He gestured to the couch and I sat down as he proceeded to curl up next to me and pull me in close wrinkling our designer outfits. All the excitement must’ve gotten to me because I fell asleep in his arms. At 3:30am production staff burst into the room and I could hear Adam shh’ing them as I was waking up.

“Ok ok she’s awake now … geez guys. Sorry Em.”

“No … no I’m the one who’s sorry I knew you needed to be at interviews this morning.”

They were are all muttering about makeup and hair practically yanking him out of the room. Before they could he grabbed my arm taking me along for the ride. We headed to a huge room with chairs and mirrors lining the walls packed with every beauty product you would ever dream of. I sat next to Adam at his insistence and soon the hairstylist came in her blonde hair swishing across his shoulders..

“Well we have a new face who is this Mr. Lambert?” She was perky and bubbly even at such an early hour. She seemed really sweet.

“Megs this is Emmalyn, my best friend and biggest supporter. I have her to thank for getting me to audition.”

“You know what they might want to run with that story for the interviews this morning. People eat up that kind of stuff. How do you feel about being on camera?” She looked at me intently waiting for me to give a response.

“Ok I guess.”

“Let me go check with producers.”         

A few minutes later she returned and I was immediately assigned my own hair and makeup person. We were done and sitting there when Adam piped up.

“Oh Megs I forgot to mention … she’s the girl who sent the flowers.”

“No way … I HAVE to hug you. That was so sweet of you all season.” She turned toward me with a huge smile and pulled me into a tight hug.

“It was the least I could do … he means the world to me.”

“Your notes always gave him so much positive energy and he could always bounce right back into performer mode if he was feeling down. You got yourself one special guy that’s for sure.”

“I sure do that’s my bestie and I wouldn’t trade him for anything.”

“And I wouldn’t trade you for anything either doll.”

He leaned over air kissing me so my makeup wasn’t smudged. Not even 5 minutes later they brought us into a room and sat Adam in front of a skyline print. They placed me in front of where he was right behind the camera allowing each network to decide whether or not to include me. As we waited our lack of sleep started to get to us and Adam started making funny faces at me which I was returning. Suddenly one of the producers came running in. Here they were testing the connection and the Philadelphia FOX affiliate had been watching the whole time. Adam started laughing bringing his chin to his chest. They went to the anchors prepping with Adam before going live on the station and of course they were asking about the faces. Adam proceeded to tell about me and it was no surprise they wanted me included. They set up a chair for me that was close enough to be able to zoom out to show me but far enough away to not be in the shot until they needed me. I had the best couple of hours getting to be with my favorite guy and Adam had a blast sharing me with everyone. Once the interviews were done I had to say goodbye to Adam as he was leaving to do promo in NYC with Kris for a week.

“Oh come here you.” I walked over and hugged him tight taking a deep breath of his scent. “Thank you for today … getting to share you with everyone meant everything to me. I love you Em.”

“And I love you superstar. Have a safe flight and knock ‘em dead.”


	18. That Never Gets Old

**September 15 th 2009**

I sat on a swivel chair in a dressing room in Manchester, NH holding a bouquet of ruby red roses. It was the final tour stop of the idol tour. I hadn’t seen Adam in a little over 3 months. He didn’t expect me here, in fact we had just talked on the phone an hour before. He wasn’t coming home after he was going to NYC to do more work on his cd so I thought it would be nice to give him a little taste of home. When the tour was in California it just so happened that I had a conference in Toronto so I missed it. Kris had taken care of getting me my pass and I snuck in as soon as the guys left for their pre-show meet and greet. The noise out in the hall grew louder and I could tell they were coming back. My back was to the door and I had chopped off my hair going with a pixie-esque cut so I knew he wouldn’t recognize me from behind. They all entered the room rambling on but stopped when they saw someone there. Danny’s voice boomed over the rest of them which wasn’t usually the case.

“Does someone have a visitor scheduled or did someone break in?”

I could hear Danny’s footsteps grow closer and then he spun the chair around. When Adam saw it was me the joy on his face was beyond words.

“Em! Sweetheart what are you doing here?!? You’re such a sneak …” I wrapped my arms around him holding him tight then I got kisses.

“I had to come see a show and I missed you so ... surprise.”

“This was the best surprise ever. Oh I missed you soo much. Alright who helped her do this … spill.”

Kris stepped forward and Adam hugged him thanking him without saying the words. He walked back to me and grabbed me carrying me to an empty adjacent room. Once inside he closed the door and sat down still holding me. I kissed his forehead and traced his lips.

“So … how does it feel having thousands of people screaming your name?”

He chuckled running his hand thru his hair and ruffling it. “Amazing, unbelievable, surreal and completely batshit insane. They found so many old pictures of me, of us. They love and completely envy you.”

“Ahh that explains the screaming when I got out of the cab and the “ _Hey isn’t that_ …”. How has Drake been taking this?”

“It’s hard Em … it’s hard for anyone to be without their significant other for this long. You don’t like him … do you?” He looked me deep in the eyes and I could see that there was a small part of him that wanted my acceptance of Drake. That wanted me to like him and want to hang out like I used to with he was with Brad.

“It’s not that I don’t like him I’ve just never developed a connection with him like with Brad. I just want you happy Adam and if he makes you happy then who am I to mess that up?”

He didn’t say anything to me just rested his head on my shoulder for a few minutes in the quiet until he finally spoke back up again.

“I talked to him the other day.”

“Who … Brad?”

“Yeah he wanted to apologize and congratulate me on everything. He mentioned he met up with you recently.”

I stiffened up a bit knowing that he knew I was still in contact with him. I had really debated a long time on whether or not to still have a relationship with him and I just couldn’t not have him in my life. It didn’t feel right.

“Yeah we met up for coffee. He called me out of the blue and even though I shouldn’t … I missed him.”

“I don’t want you hating him for my benefit and besides I’ve forgiven him. I know the two of you grew close. He’s a good guy his communication skills just suck is all.”

“He kept telling me how sorry he was over and over. He regrets not telling you how unhappy he was. Did he tell you about the tabloids?”

“No what about then?” I could feel him stiffen up and it saddened me. So new in the spotlight and already so worried and edgy about the tales the rags spun about him.

“They offered him $100k to spill details of your relationship and he refused. Said he would NEVER do that to you.”

“I wish he would’ve told me that so I could thank him that really means a lot. I really like your hair Em it’s cute, it suits you.”

“Thanks I needed something cooler it was too hot and too annoying to always have to keep it up. How is that album coming along?”

“Really good … I can’t wait for it to be released. In fact hold on I’ll be right back.”

He got so excited and rushed out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with his iPod and extended his arm handing me his earbuds.

“It’s just a demo but let me know what you think.”

He selected the track and stood there anxiously awaiting my reaction. The bass was killer and I started bobbing my head in time to the beat … it was called ‘For Your Entertainment’. It ended and I smirked at him.

“That’s one hot sexy song damn boy …”

He busted out in laughter and pulled me up singing the song to me as we danced together. Danny walked in a few minutes later catching us.

“Well well what’s going on in here?” He chided glancing at us over his auburn spectacles. 

“Em was listening to my new song.”

“It’s time to go into wardrobe the show starts in an hour. I’m supposed to let you know that she can’t come into wardrobe.”

“That’s bullshit I’m going to go talk to Todd.” He was angry I could see it in his face. He wanted me to be treated as an equal to him and it was so sweet. He went to head out of the room to go talk to someone when I gently grasped his bicep.

“No it’s ok Adam I should go find my seat anyway I wanna see this live.”

“You’ll come back after though right?”

“Of course. Have a great show babe I love you.” I puckered my lips and he playfully kissed them lightly tapping our noses together.

“Love you too. Are you front row?”

“Yes stage right.”

“Don’t you worry I’ll come over and give you a good show.”

He winked and gave me another kiss before heading out of the room with Danny. Somehow I remembered where the entrance was and made my way around to the front. As soon as I got into the building a bunch of fans came over to take picture with me or just to give me a hug. Of course there were the people who wanted me to get them an autograph or take them backstage. Luckily they took it well when I told them no. After my mini taste of Adam’s rock star life, I finally made in to my seat. As soon as I got comfortable the girl next to me started freaking out and it was obvious she was a glambert (what Adam’s fans called themselves).

“This is SOO cool I can’t believe I’m sitting next to you Emmalyn.” She was sweet and couldn’t be more than 15 or 16. She was dressed head to do in an Adam inspired ensemble with lots of black, leather and glitter.

“And you as well …” I hovered a moment hoping that she would catch on and give me her name.

“Oh Jess, my name is Jess. Did you get to see Adam already?”

“Yes I surprised him after he got back from the pre-show meet and greet. He didn’t know I was coming Kris helped set it up.”

More people started packing in the seats and I could hear the increased whispers about me but I tried to tune them out to the best of my ability. I found myself checking the time on my phone. The background was my favorite picture of the two of us, taking at Burning Man the year I went with him and Brad. We were curled up against our trailer on the playa full of smiles me snuggled up in his arms. I paused a moment looking at it and remembering when Jess snapped me back to reality.

“Is this a long time for you two to be apart?”

“Yeah it is … most of the time we’re at each other’s houses AT LEAST twice a week. That’s my bestie there he’s a total softie and I don’t know what I’d do without him.

“Do you go out or stay in when you hang out?” This was turning into a round of 20 questions but she was being so sweet and was so excited I couldn’t help but indulge her persistence.

“Mixture of both he loves to party but at the same time he loves curling up on the couch watching movies.”

My phone buzzed that I had a text and it was a picture of Adam’s lips puckered giving me a kiss. I giggled and Jess looked over my shoulder seeing the pic.

“Is that Adam?”

“Yeah he’s such a goofball. Here come close and pucker your lips. “

I got both our lips in the shot and captioned it with ‘ _Sitting here with one of your glamberts_ ’. A moment later he responded with ‘ _She calm … cool?_ ’ A woman I assumed to be Jess’s mom returned to her seat and while she was distracted I responded. ‘ _She’s sweet just VERY excited to sit next to me. She’s here with her mom I think. Been asking questions about us’_ Jess stopped talking with whoever she was with and smiled.

“Did he see it?”

“Yeah he told me to tell you hi.”

“Oh my god! Mom … mom Adam said hi to me!” She was freaking out and it was the cutest thing. Her mom looked SOO confused and was looking around aimlessly.

“How honey was he out here?”

“No this is his best friend Emmalyn. Emmalyn this is my mom Janet.”

She gave me a look that said she wasn’t sure it was the truth but she extended her hand to shake mine anyway. She then started a quiet debate with Jess over not to believe everyone while Jess adamantly insisted that it was true. Adam finally answered a moment later ‘ _Do you think her mom would be cool with you taking her back here? How old is she? I got permission but only for 1 extra person_ ’ I paused a moment looking at Jess one more time before answering. ‘ _Umm maybe 15-16? I don’t know it doesn’t seem like she believes’_. Almost instantaneously he responded _‘I’ll take care of the onstage ;)_ ’

Now what was he up to? I looked over and realized that Jess was gone. Here was my chance to talk to her mom. She realized I was staring at her and smiled.

“I know this is going to seem crazy but Adam was able to get a +1 added to my pass. If it’s ok with you I would LOVE to take Jess back after the show to meet him.” I whispered just loud enough for her to here as to not cause a mini riot.

She still didn’t believe me so I pulled out my all-access pass from underneath my shirt. She looked at it starting to believe.

“Adam said he would prove I know him onstage. I know it seems too good to be true but here …”

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the dozens of pictures on my phone of the 2 of us together. She finally believed me and started to cry.

“You seriously want to do this for her?”

“I sure do … she’s a sweet girl.”

“You don’t understand how much this will mean to her. Today is her 16th birthday and things have been really hard for her. Her best friend died back in November and they were very close.  Adam is what helped bring the Jess we knew back. She is going to freak let’s wait to tell her till after ok?”

“Sounds good to me … just follow my lead.”

I quickly texted Adam to let him know we were keeping it a surprise till after the show and that it was her 16th birthday he texted back ‘ _Perfect ;)_ ’. Jess returned her arms FULL of merchandise from the stand. She looked at me and smiled.

“Does Adam come out to the buses after the show? I want to get my program signed.”

“I know he usually does but I don’t know with it being the last date. If he doesn’t I’d be happy to take it back with me to get it signed though.”

“You’d actually do that?!? Perfect birthday present.”

“Oh Happy Birthday! What a perfect birthday present to come here.”

“Thanks … sweet sixteen. I’m so excited to see him live. I’ve watched SOO many videos. All the pre-idol stuff on YouTube … over and over and over again.”

I chuckled knowing that I was there for the events in most of those videos.

“Hearing him sing live is NOTHING like hearing him on video … you’ll see.”

“Everyone says that it’s different but not bad different. I just can’t wait. Does he sing for you?”

“All the time … but I could NEVER get tired of it. Everything I hear him sing it’s like the first time all over again.”

“I can only imagine … you are soo lucky.”

About 5 minutes later the concert started we knew Adam wasn’t until after intermission so we kept growing in anticipation. During intermission Adam texted me. Jess and her mom had run to the bathroom so I quickly opened it.

_Ok after the show go to the door to the right of the stage. Make a right down the first hallway and then the 2 nd hallway to your left. Follow that hallway down to the end and there will be a door at the end. We’ll be in the open area on the right directly before the door. We had a birthday cake ordered. What’s her name? They are here they just need to add it’_

A huge smile crossed my face he was SO sweet this was more than I expected.

_It’s Jess. That’s so awesome Addy. You should’ve seen her face when I said I would take her program back to get it signed. She never asked or expected more than that or even that. You are SO going to make her life ;) <3_

Intermission ended and Jess returned with her mom. First up was Allison and then Danny. Then it was time … the lights dimmed and the opening notes of ‘Whole Lotta Love’ filled the arena. The place ERUPTED in cheers and hollers. It was as if the place had been asleep and had just now woken up. He sang that first note and my heart was in my throat. He was amazing and crazy when he made his way over to where we were and suddenly security flocked over as he jumped down in front of me grabbed me as he grinded up on me. So sexy and crazy. Then once the song ended he kissed my cheeks and then took Jess’s hand kissing it. She was thrilled and at a loss for words so much so she started to cry. He kept walking the stage edge but always stopped extra long in front of us. Alison came out to duet on ‘Slow Ride’ with him and then it was time for the Bowie medley. It started off slow yet sexy with ‘Life On Mars’ then the Skingraft jacket came off for ‘Fame’ and ‘Let’s Dance’. He always upped the sexy for those two in particular and he sure didn’t disappoint. He came over toward where the two of us were and dropped onto his knees doing body rolls backward. He was oozing pure sex and god he was amazing … all that and then some. Kris performed and then the group all came out to perform ‘Don’t Stop Believing’. As soon as they were done I winked at Janet.

“Come on Jess I can take you the back way to the busses it’s much faster. But I only have a +1 on my pass.”

“Mom is that ok?!?” She looked back at her mom begging her to let her come with me. As soon as her mom started to nod she started beaming.

“Go ahead I’ll meet you out back.”

I quickly and discretely checked my phone to make sure they were ready and rushed her over toward the back. They scanned my pass and I led her down the hallways to where they were waiting. We got to the end and everyone started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ led by Adam. One of the tour managers was taking video and Jess just stood there in shock crying. Adam being his normal sweetheart self, walked over and pulled her into a huge hug. 

“Thank … you.” You could barely make out what she was saying through the tears. Adam just held her rubbing her back until she finally calmed down.

“Come on Jess you have to blow out the candles on your cake and make a wish.”

“I don’t know what I could possibly wish for you’ve given me my wildest dream.” Tears streamed down her face and Adam let out an Aww before gently wiping them away. He was so sweet with the fans it was beautiful to see even though I knew he would be.

She walked over and thought a moment before blowing them out. They placed it on the table and started cutting it. It was then that Janet walked in and Jess smiled running over with a smile.

“How did you get in mom?!?”

“Security gave me a pass. Was this a good surprise?” Jess’ eyes grew wide and a smile filled her face.

“Wait you knew? How?”

“Yes Emmalyn asked me if it would be ok when you were gone getting souvenirs.”

“Oh yes speaking of which didn’t you want stuff signed?” Adam questioned with a huge smile on his face.

Jess ran over excitedly and posed for pictures with everyone before getting her program signed. The rest of the group left but they stayed with Adam and me for nearly an hour taking countless more photos and just talking about anything and everything. She could’ve stayed longer but Jess could see Adam was exhausted and insisted she leave. She gave Adam a hug and then walked to me. I handed her a piece of paper with my email on it.

“I trust you won’t share this. Keep in touch ok?”

“I would never … of course I will keep in touch. Thank you so much you helped make my whole life. You’re the best.”

She wrapped her arms around me and after getting a hug from her mom she left. Adam just stared at the door after they left with a smile on his face.

“That never gets old … it’s one of my favorite things about this. Being able to make someone feel that way is so surreal … who could’ve imagined this Em.”


	19. Everything Happens For A Reason

**November 22 nd 2009**

I just stared at the TV doubting what I just saw. It was so Adam and It didn’t bother me but on Primetime network TV?!? I could just sense the backlash and see the newspaper headlines now ‘ _American Idol Star Adam Lambert Simulates Oral Sex and Kisses Male Bassist on AMAs’_ Why couldn’t he of just kept it calm especially with his debut cd releasing the next day. My phone blipped from a text and I realized it was Adam.

_'How bad did I just screw things up Em?'_

_'In my eyes and the eyes of your fans a ‘0’. In the eyes of mainstream America probably a ‘9’._

_'I’m not a babysitter Em and kids shouldn’t be awake on a Sunday at 11pm.'_

_'Babe you don’t have to justify yourself to me. I’m just afraid of the backlash. I don’t want you to get hurt…'_

_'I’m ok Em … it’s nothing I’m not used to already. They cancelled me on GMA tomorrow. They were fine when Madonna and Britney kissed but they freak because it was two guys. It’s not fair -_-'_

_'It’s not fair you’re right. Don’t worry babe it will cool off and things WILL get better. They HAVE to. I’m going to go get my copies of FYE as soon as it’s after midnight :)'_

_'Thanks sweetheart I gotta go my flight to NYC is boarding. I love you.'_

_'Love you too Addy. I’m proud of you for being yourself no matter what anyone else thinks <3'_

I put on my shoes and after midnight headed to the nearest 24 hour Target. They had all the new releases on pallets and after waiting for a supervisor to ok it. Someone sliced open the box giving me my 5 copies for now. I had already owned it for over 2 weeks but I had to help his sales. I didn’t need anything else so I headed to the open register and placed the small stack on the conveyer belt. The cashier was a girl about 18 with stringy bleach blonde hair. She saw the cd and turned up her nose.

“He’s so disgusting didn’t you see what he did tonight on the AMAs?!? Stupid faggot.” She sneered seeming as though she was disgusted to even have to touch them.

Rage filled my face and I nearly jumped the counter to choke her. “Excuse me?!? Who the FUCK do you think you are to talk like that to a customer no less. I don’t give a rat’s ass for your opinion. Just ring them up and keep your ass backward opinion to yourself.”

She scoffed at me and rang the cds through roughly throwing them in the bag once they scanned.

“Scratch or break any of the cases and you’ll be marching your bimbo Barbie ass back to electronics to get me new ones.”

She quieted down and gently handed me the bag once I paid.

“Oh and just an FYI the guy you just called a faggot is my best friend. He has more heart and compassion in his pinky than you have in your whole body. His star will continue to rise and there is nothing that hateful bigots like you can do about it.”

With that I walked over toward the door past customer service to see the manager standing there dumbfounded.

“I’m so sorry she’ll be taken care of don’t worry. Here’s a $20 gift card as a token of our sincere apologies.”

I took the gift card and handed it to a single mother I found outside. She acted like I had given her a million dollars. I guess they are right about bad things always leading to something good. Maybe everything does happen for a reason? 


	20. Little Miracle

**June 4 th 2010**

Toronto had been my temporary home the last month. Thankfully it was just for 4 months for my job but I was definitely homesick and actually sick as well. I didn’t know if it was the different climate or food or what it was but I had been feeling nauseous and achy almost like when you have the flu. I was going to fly down to Wilkes-Barre, PA to see the opening show of Adam’s tour that night but I had been feeling particularly awful. In fact I had just gone to the doctor the day before. I had texted Adam after the appointment and he felt awful that I was alone. The tour was coming to Toronto June 19th though so I would see him soon enough. The phone rang and I thought that it would be Adam but it was the doctor’s office.

_“Hello?”_

_“Is this Emmalyn Tibber?”_

_“Yes it is.”_

_“We got your test results back and we know why you’ve been feeling so awful. You’re pregnant.”_

_“I’m what…?”_ In that moment everything came crashing down around me. I loved kids but I didn’t know if I was ready for one of my own especially without the baby’s father in the picture. There was no way in HELL I was letting my ex ANYWHERE near this precious little miracle.

_“Dr. Stefano wants you to seclude an appointment with an OBGYN ASAP. Do you know how far along you could be?”_

_“I haven’t had sex since February.”_

_“OH well then you better call them up right away. You should start your prenatal care ASAP as you’re already pretty far along then. I’ll get you some phone numbers if you like?”_

_“That would be … great._


	21. Douchenozzle

**June 19 th 2010**

I sat in a small room at the venue waiting for Adam to get a free moment to come see me. This tour was keeping him SO busy with hardly any down time. The little he had was spent sleeping, making scheduled appearances at clubs/events, and hooking up with guys since him and Drake weren’t together anymore. He had the next 2 days off but this was his third show in a row and he had promo scheduled in NYC where the next two shows were. About 30 minutes before he was set to hit the stage he came into the room all glammed up in his top hat and purple fringe. He came over air kissing me so he didn’t smudge his makeup.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t come see you sooner they have me CRAZY busy today. I just had to solve a wardrobe dilemma. I swear if anyone tells me something else I have to be worried about I’m going to lose my mind like completely lose it.” He flopped down on a chair in front of me looking completely and utterly drained.

“Sorry they have you so crazy Addy.”

“Now … on the phone you said you wanted to tell me something?”

The words caught in my throat as I certainly didn’t want to make him worry about yet another thing. Because there was no doubt in my mind he would be worried sick especially after Chloe. This tiny little baby was a miracle, they had told me I might not be able to conceive again. There would be plenty of time to tell him I wasn’t due until November 16th.

“Oh no it was nothing just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you is all.”

“How I wish I could just keep you with me. You can always calm me down just by being there.” He got up and sat next to me on the couch resting his head on my shoulder. I was wearing a sweatshirt jacket to mask the beginnings of my telltale bump as much as possible and it was HOT. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I realized how obvious it was. It would especially be obvious for Adam as he hadn’t seen me in almost two months. Adam stood up in front of me wiping sweat from his brow. “Girl I can’t stand looking at you in that even seeing it is making me grow maggots.” He reached for the zipper and yanked it downward before I could stop him. He stared at my bump and looked at me. “Em … are you …?”

I nodded and a smile spread on his face tears pelting his cheeks. Reaching up I brushed them away. “Stop you’ll ruin your makeup.”

“Is this what you wanted to tell me?” He was glowing he was so happy. It made me smile just seeing his reaction.

“Yeah … I just didn’t want to worry you.”

“But this is a happy worry Em. That’s a miracle baby you got growing inside you. Do you know what you’re having?”

“They think it’s a girl but I have another scan in 4 weeks to be sure. Might be a late blooming boy but it certainly wasn’t shy about showing its goods.” He chuckled a moment but then seriousness filled his face. I could read him so well that I knew he was doing the math and realizing who the father had to be.

“Em … who is the father? Please let it not be douchenozzle?”

Douchenozzle was what he called my ex. I should’ve listened to Adam in the first place about him and I would’ve never been in this predicament. I nodded and even though he tried to hide it I could see him cringe.

“He’s already signed the forms giving up his parental rights. I don’t need him and this innocent little baby doesn’t need him.”

“I’m here Em for ANYTHING you need and I mean ANYTHING. I can’t believe you’re going to be a mom … honestly this is the best news I’ve gotten all month.” He snuggled in close and I could feel the baby’s fluttery kicks. Quickly I grabbed Adam’s hand quickly directing it to the spot. I could tell he could feel them by the look of pure joy that crossed his face.

“I play your cd every night on my iPod next to my belly. Probably recognizes your voice.”

He knelt down in front of me rubbing my belly as he tenderly sang ‘Aftermath’. Sure enough more kicks were delivered. He giggled and gave me a kiss.

“I guess Uncle Adam has another glambert in the making.”

“I want you to be the godfather because I couldn’t think of anyone more perfect if I tried.”

“Awe Em … I would love to. When are you due?”

“November 16th.”

“I’m in Europe … I’m sure my mom can and will be there for you. Then there is the baby shower we could have it on October 29th I’ll be home then.”

I could see his stress level rising and I gently kissed his nose. “Calm down everything will work out I promise. You don’t need extra stress. If you want to plan the shower that’s fine but relax and delegate tasks to Dani, your mom, or Scarlett. You have enough on your plate.”

“You know I’m going to end up just doing it myself anyway even if it’s from across the country.” We both giggled and I snuggled against him … boy wasn’t that the truth.

Just then there was a knock on the door by his manager to let Adam know it was time. He gave me a kiss and then kissed my stomach.

“I love you both. You’re going to stay back here right?”

“Yeah I don’t feel up to standing right now. I’ve been so sick.”

“You were with Chloe too. After the show I’ll show you what we figured out.” He blew me another kiss and was taken to get his makeup touched up. A minute later a tweet alert popped up on my phone

_@adamlambert: Just found out that @xBeautifulDisasterx is PREGNANT! I’m going to be an uncle!!! <3 :D_

Immediately well wishes flooded my mentions. His glamberts were always so sweet. Even though I was toward the back of the building I could still hear the concert and he sounded amazing. Toward the end of the show I really started feeling sick. I had no idea how I was going to get home. All I could do was lay down on the couch just pray the wave would end and soon. After the concert I could hear Adam arguing with someone outside the door. Whoever it was wanted Adam to sign a few autographs and leave immediately for NYC on the bus. Adam on the other hand wanted to spend the night with me and catch a 2pm flight to JFK which would put him there WELL before the 7pm photo-shoot he had to do. Finally it seemed as though Adam won the argument and he told the guy to book the flight and send the bus away. He walked into the room and saw me in my sad state.

“Awe Em … let me drive you home sweetheart. We just have to wait a little while until after the bus leaves. The crowd will be mostly gone then. In fact this will get everyone leaving quicker.”

_@adamlambert: Sorry I didn’t come out to sign spending the night with my Emmalyn :)_

_@adamlambert: Can’t wait to fly out to NYC tomorrow and do a photoshoot for something upcoming ;)_

Sure enough about 10 minutes later security appeared to let us know the parking lot was clear.

“Feel ok to walk out if I help you?” He gently helped me stand and supported me a moment until I got my bearings.

“I think so …”

Slowly we made our way out to my car in the lot. There were a few glamberts that came running from the other side of the lot when they saw him. By the time they reached us Adam was helping me into the passenger seat and they could see how sick I looked. Adam expected them to still ask for autographs but they paused there a moment. One of them stepped forward to talk to Adam while the rest hung back around 10 feet or so.

“Adam is Emmalyn ok?” The tone of her voice and the worried look on her face really touched me. She was genuinely worried about me.

“Morning sickness but lucky for her she has it all day.”

“Well I hope she feels better.”

“Thank you. I have to go now and get her home. I hope you all understand.”

The girls were about to leave when I interrupted. Having him sign and take pictures with the few girls there would be the least I could do for their kindness. “Addy go ahead and sign for them quick … I’m feeling a bit better.”

“Are you sure Emmalyn? It’s ok if you need to leave we understand completely.

“Thanks but it’s ok … I can manage for a few minutes.”

Adam smiled at me and signed for the 4 girls that were there and took quick photos with each before saying goodbye and starting the drive to my home. He was a bit worried they would follow but they didn’t. As soon as he got me in the door I went right in my room to lie down. He followed and sat down next to me.

“This is what helped when you were pregnant with Chloe.” He gently grabbed my wrist feeling around for a moment and then delivered pressure to the spot. After a few minutes of his rubbing pressure he moved to my other wrist and did the same. Then he moved to my ankles and found a spot there. Crazy to admit but it actually worked and was helping.

“That feels amazing … I actualy feel a bit better. Thank you … so much.

“You’re welcome. There is one more pressure point it’s from your sternum to your belly button with a slow soft pressure massage. That and you drank ginger tea every morning. That was my job I made you a cup of tea and then did the acupressure …” His voice trailed off and tears came to his eyes. He was so worried about me and it broke my heart.

“I’ll be ok Adam … really.” I reached up and rubbed his cheek and he closed his eyes making the tears trail down them.

“You’re here till September all alone. Who is going to make tea for you?”

“I can do it myself … I’m pregnant not an invalid.” He giggled a bit wiping his eyes before sliding up against the headboard next to me. I snuggled under his arm and he kissed my forehead.

“I just love you Em. I want to take care of you.”

“I know you do and I’m so grateful but you are needed by many more people than me. You have people that need you, that depend on you. Who am I to come between that?”

“You’re my best friend one of the only people I would risk my life for. You’re so much more special than you know … loved much more than you know.” My eyes were getting heavy but I didn’t want to sleep after he stayed behind just for me. He realized and kissed my forehead gently sliding us both downward under the covers. “It’s ok close your eyes I could use the sleep too.”

“Haven’t slept much lately too dizzy. I’m up 5-7 times a night.” I mumbled sleep starting to overtake me.

“Well let’s see if you can get a good night’s sleep tonight since you have me to cuddle with.”

A smile crossed my face and I snuggled into his arms. Feeling safe and protected I drifted off peacefully within a few minutes. In the morning I woke up to Adam carrying in a cup of tea and the baby doing acrobatics. I giggled gently rubbing my belly and Adam’s hand eagerly joined mine feeling the fluttery brushes.

“I just can’t get over how amazing it is to feel the baby move. I’m going to miss so much this time around.” He pouted lightly rubbing my belly with his fingertips.

“Don’t worry the baby will constantly hear your voice. You’ll get to feel when you’re home for the shower and then just think when you come back from the international leg the baby will be here and then you can love up on him or her.”

I gently sipped on the tea and for once I felt almost normal. The shirt I put on was a little snug on my bump so it accentuated it. Adam pulled out his phone to take a picture and I knew him well enough to know that it was then going to end up on twitter. Sure enough I was right.

_@adamlambert: Look at @xBeautifulDisasterx’s adorable bump. There’s a baby in there ;) November 16 th can NOT come soon enough <3_

“Have you made a baby registry yet?”

“Yeah I do it when I can’t sleep. Might as well be productive. It’s mostly just furniture and gear right now with a couple odds and ends.”

“Can I see? I love looking at baby stuff.”

“Sure …”             

Pulling out my iPad I opened up the bookmarked list and handed it over to him.

“Addy I’m going to go take a quick shower ok?”

“Go ahead it’s only 8:45am I don’t have to leave for another 3 hours.”

When I came out of the bathroom after getting dressed he was sitting there with his credit card out. He had the crib, dresser, changing table, glider rocker, video monitor and stroller/car seat travel system in the cart for a total of almost $1400.

“Adam no that’s too much.” I protested and he gently blocked my advance to stop the purchase with his arm.

“Hush this is only the beginning. I want to buy much more when you know the sex for sure.”

I lightly touched his shoulder rubbing it with my fingertips. “Addy … you don’t have to do this.”

“I know I don’t have to but I WANT to. I already talked to my mom and Dani last night they are going to set the nursery up for you while you’re here. So if you buy anything have it shipped to your house. My mom set up delivery notifications on her phone so she’ll know to go over.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you Adam Mitchel Lambert. You are going to be an AMAZING godfather.”


	22. Impatient Little Twit

**October 29 th 2010**

Adam had gone to the venue to finish getting it situated. It was some fancy lounge that had given him the room for free provided he tweet about the venue after the shower. I was still at home finishing getting ready. I found my favorite maxi dress and slid it on before going to search the floor of my closet. The minute I bent down I got a swift kick.

“I know princess just be patient for a minute. You don’t like when mommy bends huh?”

I found the shoes I was looking for and stood up so the crazy kicking would subside. Leila and Dani had done an AMAZING job on her room it was perfect. Adam had been begging me to tell him the name I had decided on but I wouldn’t budge. After I got my shoes on, a whole long task in itself due to my huge bump, Adam walked back in the door.

“I got it … Ryleigh?”

“Nope …”

“Jenna, Mackenzie … Allyssa?”

“No, no and no.”

“Please tell me or do I have to keep guessing?” He playfully cocked his head to the side with huge puppy dog eyes. It took every bit of my strength not to cave and tell him.

“I’m not telling you and you can keep guessing if you want but you’ll never guess it.” I teased as he pouted at me.

“You’re mean. Peanut why don’t you tell mommy that she should tell me your name.” He gently rubbed my belly causing her to kick in response. “See even peanut wants you to tell me.”

“She’ll be here in a little over 2 weeks you can wait.” I giggled as he let out a sigh of frustration.

“Patience is not my strong suit you know that. Does my mom know?”

“No Addy nobody knows. Alright … if I tell you her middle name will you be patient and wait until she’s here to know her first?” He nodded excitedly and I just smiled and rubbed his cheek. He was adorably cute when he’s this excited. “Her middle name is Hope.”

“That’s pretty Em. So if I google first names that go with Hope will I find it?” He grinned a Cheshire cat grin and I giggled at him.

“Nope I’m sure you won’t.”

“Damn … alright I better get you over there you don’t want to be late for your own baby shower.”

I couldn’t believe how many people where there and how many things I got for the little princess. Incredibly blessed would be an understatement to how I was feeling. Plus the glamberts were ALWAYS giving Adam presents at the shows. They had then all gotten together and given me a $1500 Target gift card to buy whatever I needed. Adam had been a smart ass and had them try to get me to spill the baby’s name. If I had a dollar for every message I got her college education would already be paid for. What can I say, he was an impatient little twit but god I loved him for it.


	23. Uncle Adam

**November 16 th 2010**

My beautiful baby girl was sleeping in my arms and I was so completely in love with her. Leila had been with me the whole time holding my hand and coaching me. She was the baby’s grandmother whether related by blood or not she always had considered me her daughter. She had texted Adam in France as soon as she arrived and he cancelled an early morning interview so that he could be awake late to Skype with me. Leila brought in my laptop before going home to get some rest and I had it set up on the tray in front of me waiting for him to sign on. The little ping let me know he was on and he immediately sent me a video chat invite. It was only 3am there but excitement filled his face.

“Let me see … let me see!!” I angled the screen downward so he could see the little bundle of pink blanket in my arms. He let out a gasp of awe and squeed. “Em … she’s perfect.”

“She sure is.” Just then she opened her eyes so I turned her toward the screen so he could see her better. “Adaleigh Hope this is your Uncle Adam. He means everything to your mommy and I know he loves you very much.”

When he heard the name he immediately started to cry realizing it was a combination of Adam and Leila.

“Uncle Adam loves you so much Adaleigh. I wish I was there but I’ll see you very soon. Em how do you spell her name I want to send out a tweet.”

“It’s A-D-A-L-E-I-G-H.”

“Thank you for that … it means a lot.” He wiped his eyes on his shirt collar and sniffled a bit.

“I had to name her after the 2 most important people in my life. Speaking of which I saw rumblings on twitter that you’re head over heels for someone you met in Helsinki … spill.”

He demeanor immediately changed and he blushed like a schoolboy with his first crush. “Oh Em … he’s perfect. He’s actually flying here to Paris to meet me. He should be here any minute now.”

“Boy are you smitten you’re so cute! What’s his name?”

“His name is Sauli … he’s gorgeous Em. I think this one might be the real deal.”

“Then don’t you dare let him get away.”

“I’m going to try my hardest.”

The baby started fussing and they brought in a bottle for her. Adam was filling me in on everything that was happening on tour and it was so relaxing hearing his voice. There was a light knock on the door and Dani walked in.

“Awe hi momma … and there’s the little princess.”

She walked over and saw that Adam was on Skype. She waved to him with a huge smile on her face.

“Hi Uncle Adam!”

“Hi Dani … isn’t she beautiful?”

“She sure is … let me take a picture of her and I can send it to you on your phone. I’m sure you want to post a pic on twitter.” He face filled with excitement and he nodded enthusiastically.

“That would be awesome!”

Adaleigh had finished eating and was snuggled up in my arms with wide eyes. Dani quick took a picture and texted it to Adam. He grabbed his phone seeing it and let out a loud awe before yawning loudly.

“Addy are you sleepy? You can go if you want I know Sauli will be there soon.”

As if on cue I heard someone knock on his hotel room door. He excused himself and walked out of the camera view. A few minutes later he walked back over followed by a hesitant Sauli.

“Sauli … this is my best friend Emmalyn and my brand new goddaughter Adaleigh.”

“Hello … she is beautiful.” His voice was so timid but what a cutie pie.

“Thank you. It’s very nice to meet you Sauli.”

“You as well … nice to meet.”

He was so precious and sweet I just wanted to hug him. His accent was soo cute and he was trying so hard. I smiled at them knowing they desperately wanted to be alone.

“I’ll let you go now Addy. I know you want to spend some time together especially after Sauli traveled all that way.”

“No I don’t want to … it’s ok if …” He stumbled of his words frustrated not knowing how to explain what he wanted to say.

“It’s ok sweetheart it’s late and I want you to be able to spend some time with Adam. I hope I get to meet you in person I want to hug you.”

He laughed and it seemed all the nerves he had, had left. In fact he ‘hugged’ the computer. “I want to see you too. I love hugs.”

“I love you Em. Give that little angel a kiss for me. I can’t wait till I’m home and can love all up on her.”

“I love you too Addy. Bye guys.”

I blew a kiss and then signed off. A few minutes later my phone buzzed with a tweet alert.

_@adamlambert: My beautiful goddaughter has arrived welcome to the world Adaleigh Hope. Your Uncle Adam loves you peanut <3_

_@adamlambert: Here she is with her gorgeous momma @xBeautifulDisasterx look at those big blue eyes._


	24. Meeting The Princess

**December 1 st 2010**

I was sitting on the couch holding a fussy Adaleigh. She was in this mood the 36 hours where she didn’t want anyone holding her other than me and she didn’t want to be put down. So needless to say I hadn’t slept much. Adam was coming back today and he was so excited. My phone vibrated and I expected it to be a text from Adam but it wasn’t it was a tweet alert.

_@adamlambert: If anyone is at LAX and I ignore you please don’t take offense. I wanna get home and meet the little princess #JustaTINYbitexcited_

While I had my phone out I checked his flight status and saw that it was taxing to the gate …. He was officially home. What I didn’t expect was for him to go straight from the airport to my house. Luckily they had met him at the airport to give him the key for my house. He walked in the door and immediately gave me a kiss and stared at the sleeping angel in my arms.

“How is she?”

“Miserable the last day and ½. She doesn’t want anyone but me to hold her and she cries if I put her down. Needless to say I haven’t slept much. I was able to get her to sleep in her swing on one of my blankets yesterday for about 2 ½ hours so I slept while your mom watched her.”

“Oh …” The excitement drained from his face a bit hearing that. I knew how excited he was to get to snuggle her.

“You can still hold her if you want. She just might get a fussy with you.”

“Ok …”

I carefully handed her over to Adam and sure within a minute she started getting a little fussy.

“Adaleigh it’s ok it’s your Uncle Adam. I finally get to meet you princess.

She opened up her eyes and just looked at him. Surprisingly she didn’t cry and just curled up staring at him. He had her out in front of him and kissed her forehead which I caught on camera. Quickly I opened up the twitter app and shared the photo.

 _@xBeautifulDisasterx:_  @adamlambert loving up on miss Adaleigh. She loves her Uncle Adam hasn’t made a peep since he took her & she’s been MISERABLE last 36 hours

Adam saw the tweet and smiled kissing my forehead. “Why don’t you go get some sleep while she’s being so good with me? Just show me where everything is.”

“That would be great thank you so much Addy. She should be ready to eat in another hour or so. Diapers and such are in the basket right here. If you want to put her in the swing she likes setting number 4. Make sure she’s asleep before you would put her in it though. She’ll cry if she’s awake. I’ll go get a couple burp cloths for you.

“You’re welcome sweetheart you need your rest.”

I thought he’d be nervous but he was as cool as a cucumber. He was a natural … just like I knew he would be. After I got everything he needed I went into my room for some much needed sleep. When I woke up I sat there listening but couldn’t hear any crying or even fussing. Looking at the clock I realized that I had been asleep 6 hours. When I walked out Adam was sitting there Adaleigh curled up asleep in his arms and Leila and Dani were sitting there chatting with him.

“How has she been?” I was seriously hoping that she hadn’t been cranky with him. Especially after he just flew back.

“A complete angel no problems what so ever.”

“That’s great. Hi Leila … hi Dani.”

“Hi sweetheart did you get some sleep?” Leila questioned with a worried look on her face. She had been so great with helping me out while Adam was away we were SUPER close.

“Yes thank god. I feel so much better.”

“She loves her some Adam. We tried to hold her when we first got here and she fussed right away.”

I chuckled looking at Adam who was sitting there beaming. He was so excited it was adorable. “That’s no surprise she’s heard his voice from the day I found out I was pregnant I wanted her to know him.”

I walked over and kissed Adam’s forehead from above. He looked up smiling and got up putting the baby in the swing, she didn’t even stir. Then he sat down and pulled me close on his lap. Leila and Dani looked on with huge smiles on their faces … life was perfect.


	25. Swedish Meatballs

**January 27 th 2011**

Sauli and Adam were pretty much THE cutest couple ever. Over the last month and a half they had talked on Skype and Facebook every day. He was bitten and BAD. Adam had suggested that Sauli come visit for his golden birthday and he had nervously agreed. Sauli didn’t believe that his English was good enough to visit. He had flown in the night before and they were now at Disneyland. I was thinking about taking Adaleigh and joining them but ultimately decided that I would meet them at Adam’s house when they got back. The baby was still too little to take her to an amusement park. Some pictures of the boys had surfaced on twitter and they were just glowing. I texted Adam about 2pm to get an idea of when to head over to his house and he told me to go let myself in and they would be home about 4pm. It took me nearly a half hour to get everything packed and ready but then I headed over. Adaleigh was still sleeping when we got there so I unhooked the car seat from the base and carried it inside setting her on the floor by the couch. At about 3:45pm the door opened and I heard footsteps. When they entered the doorway I put a finger to my lips to indicate the baby was sleeping and walked over to say hello. After giving Adam a huge hug I walked over to Sauli. He was ever tinier in person than in his pictures/videos … So cute.

“I finally get my hug. It’s so good to meet in person.” He gave me a huge smile and wrapped his arms tightly around me.

“Yes SO nice to meet you too.”

He looked for Adam who was a minute before right next to him. It wasn’t a big surprise that he was kneeling down with the baby. Sauli joined him and together they awed over her. Adam gently unbuckled her and I sighed.

“If you wake her and make her fussy you’re keeping her tonight.”

“Can’t say that would be a bad thing Em … I wouldn’t mind babysitting ONE bit.” He gently cradled her in his arms and she opened her eyes after a few minutes.

“Hello princess are you awake now …” He was talking with exaggerated facial movements and she responded by giving him one of her heartbreaking smiles. “See you tell mommy that you would never be fussy because of Uncle Adam. Go on tell her.” She was imitating him with little _‘aaahh’s’_ and ‘ _ooohh’s_ ’ … the boys were both completely smitten. Sauli was just standing there looking at her with a look of sheer awe on his face.

“Sauli do you want to hold her?” I questioned watching his eyes light up in response.

“It’s ok for me to?” He looked at me his eyes wanting to make sure I really wanted him to … he was too cute.

“Yes of course you can.” Sauli took her and while she gave him a ‘ _who the hell are you’_ look at first, she didn’t cry at all. He sat there with a brilliant smile when he got her to smile at him. I had called to order a cake to celebrate Adam’s birthday and finally got a text that it was ready. “I have to run to the store quick are you both ok watching her for a little while? Want me to grab stuff to make dinner I can cook? How about pasta and meatballs?”

“Yeah we’ll watch her. Sauli do you like pasta and meatballs?”

“Swedish meatballs?!?” His eyes grew huge with excitement … it was obvious those were his favorite.

“I’m not sure how to make Swedish meatballs.”

“I do … I can show?” He smiled at me like a proud little boy excited to show his mother something. It was endearingly adorable.

“Sure … why don’t you come to the store with me then we can get what you need?”

“Yay … ok Adam?”

“Yes of course it’s ok.”

Adam took the baby and after he gave Sauli a kiss we left to the store. We grabbed the cake and Sauli helped get everything we needed for the meatballs. When we got back to the car he spoke up again.

“The cake for Adam … for his birthday?”

“Yes I can’t come to the party so I thought I could celebrate with him tonight. Do you like to cook?”

“Yes I cook a lot. I’ll show you my meatballs.” He was so excited to be able to show me something and I was excited to learn something new.

“Good … I would like to learn. I’d like to see Finland too one day … it’s very beautiful I hear.”

“Yes but very cold now. Nice to be here warm.”

“I’m sure it is. You know Adam really likes you right? He ALWAYS talks about you.”

“I like him too … very how you say special.” He blushed and hid his face for a moment a bit embarrassed. I gently grabbed his hand holding it letting him know there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

“Yes … you’re special too. You have to teach me Finnish.”

“Vittu tata paskaa …”

“What does that mean?”

“Fuck this shit …”

I let out a giggle at the same time he did and I just knew in my heart that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


	26. I Want To Party

**March 28 th 2011**

Two months … that’s all it took for the boys to realize they couldn’t live without each other. Sauli was officially moving to LA today on his 26th birthday. The boys, Sauli’s friend Katri (who had traveled with him) and a few of Adam’s friends were going to see the Lady Gaga concert but I didn’t have a babysitter and I didn’t want to trap Leila for something this unimportant. I had sent a little Happy Birthday video message of me and the baby her a mess of babbles and smiles. It was going to be amazing having him here. I lived for our nightly (11am for us) FB chats. He was a little ray of sunshine, a positive light in my life … in all of our lives. I was over at Adam’s house having spent the night, when Sauli & Katri arrived a chauffeur having driven them here from the airport. Adam rushed over grabbing their bags and stealing a chaste kiss from Sauli.

“Adam … this is Katri. We do a show Tutka together.”

“Hi Katri, follow me let me show you your room.”

Katri followed Adam upstairs and Sauli meandered into the living room where I was with Adaleigh her happily gumming on a teething toy. He smiled and ran over pulling me into a huge hug. Then he kissed my cheeks and held out his arms taking the baby. She gave him a big grin and went right to him without even fussing at all.

“You’re so big … so fast.”

“She sure is.”

He sat on the couch next to me her sitting on his lap. He was playing with her and she started giving him her contagious giggles which only made him laugh. For whatever reason she found his laugh hysterical. I could hear Adam & Katri’s footsteps enter the room and Adam smiled giggling from the sight.

“Is Sauli funny Adaleigh?”

“Oh you’re back down.” Sauli turned his attention to Adam who quickly entered the room and sat down next to Sauli.

“I should’ve known you would be in here.”

“Katri this is Adam’s best friend Emmalyn and her daughter Adaleigh.” Katri nodded in acknowledgment but she was very shy and reserved.

“She likes you …”

“Yeah she sees me every day.”

I could tell Katri was nervous so I spoke up.

“Katri why don’t you come sit with us? There is plenty of room here …”

“Oh … ok.” She walked over sitting next to Sauli on the couch. She smiled at Adaleigh and started talking to her in broken English.

“You want to hold her for a bit?” Sauli questioned as she had Adaleigh’s full attention seeing as though she was someone new. Katri looked at me with a questioning glance.

“Is it ok?”

“Yes of course go ahead.”

She took the baby and I got up grabbing Sauli’s arm guiding him into the kitchen which was filled with streamers and balloons. On the side table was a sheet cake with ‘ _Happy Birthday Sauli’_ written on it.

“Happy Birthday sweetheart!”

“Thank you … this is my best day forever!” He threw his arms around me and held me tight for a good 15 seconds. He then gave me a sweet peck on the lips … so cute. “Can we have cake now?”

“We wanted to sing Happy Birthday first. How do you sing it in Finnish? You can teach us.”

“It’s ‘ _Paljon onnea vaan’_. Then you just say Sauli instead of vaan the 3 rd time.” He was practically jumping up and down in excitement.

“Let’s get everyone in here … Addy bring Katri and little miss here.”

They came in the room and Sauli taught Adam quick what to sing. Then we all joined and sang Happy Birthday in Finnish followed by in English which we had taught Katri. Soon they went to go get ready for the concert. Katri had warmed up to us and was so sweet and funny. She walked back down raising her eyebrow in confusion.

“You not going?”

“No, nobody to watch the baby.”

Adam had walked downstairs and heard what I said. “You’re not going?!? I have a ticket for you … awe I wanted you to go. I think my mom is home.”

“I hate bothering her.” I sighed a bit upset to be letting Adam down.

“Em … my mom ADORES Adaleigh she doesn’t mind one bit you know that.”

“I know I just feel bad trapping her all the time.”

He pulled out his cell phone and called his mom. Sure enough she agreed without any question. Luckily I always had a small amount of clothes in a closet at his house. The boys and Katri watched the baby while I went to go get dressed. I found a cute dress that fit and heels before walking back downstairs to Adam blowing raspberries on Adaleigh’s tummy causing her to be a mess of giggles. It was precious how close he had gotten with her. Leila showed up and we all left in a limo that Adam had hired. The concert was AMAZING and needless to say we all were a bit drunk. Adam had even gotten us access to the after party which was coincidentally also Gaga’s birthday party. Katri and Sauli were still jetlagged so they passed heading back to Adam’s house. Leila was planning on staying the night anyway so I decided to accompany Adam. He was already drunk and he kept getting handed more alcohol which he happily downed one after another. He was standing up ‘fist-pumping’ when Gaga came out and ended up putting his fist right through La Cita’s drop ceiling. I knew I had to get him out of there and FAST.

“Adam! Come on let’s get you out of here.”

He stumbled a bit as I led him toward the exit. They started to sing Happy Birthday so he pulled away from me walking toward her. She blew out the candles and he walked over pulling her into a hug plucking a doll from the cake trying to ‘kiss’ her with it. She was NOT feeling it and had immediately taken offense. I walked over clutching him and yanking him out of the club.

“Come on let’s get you home.”

“But … I want … to party.” He slurred as he stumbled around completely and utterly TRASHED.

His arms were flailing around but eventually I was able to get him outside thru the cascade of flashbulbs. Thankfully I was able to get a car right away so I was able to get him away from all of that but I had a sickening feeling in my stomach. As soon as I got him in bed I checked twitter … the photos were EVERYWHERE.


	27. To The Moon And Back

**May 15 th 2012**

It was crazy to finally hold Adam’s sophomore cd in my hands. It had been a crazy 2 years that’s for sure. They were full of getting to know and love Sauli or ‘Soso’ as Adaleigh called him, and listening to and getting say in our favorite demos. I was so damn proud of him. He had been so busy since the beginning of the year that we barely saw him in person but he tried to Skype us daily after he Skyped Sauli if he wasn’t with him that is. They couldn’t go more than 2 weeks at a time without seeing each other so one was always making a side trip to see the other. Although most of the time it was Sauli flying to wherever Adam was. My work needed someone to visit our NYC office and help with training so I volunteered since Adam was there doing promo. Especially since I was given permission to bring Adaleigh with me. She was SO excited to see him. He was at GMA doing an interview and performance and we couldn’t get in to see him. He was doing sound check inside and Adaleigh walked right up to the window pressing her face up against it screaming Uncle Adam over and over. A couple of glamberts inside saw her and got Adam’s attention. He turned and saw us and got one of the network heads to send someone to get us. Soon handlers came outside and escorted us into the building. They let us in the room and although I tried to hold her back she broke free and ran to him. He smiled and scooped her up as she threw her arms around his neck. Thankfully they weren’t on air yet.

“Hi peanut Uncle Adam missed you SO much!!”

“We went on a big plane!” She opened her arms wide demonstrating how big it was as everyone in the room including Adam giggled. She was absolutely adorable.

“You did? Did you like it?”

“No it hurt …” She put her hands up at her ears dramatically. Adam frowned gently caressing her cheek.

“Aww did it make your ears hurt?”

“Yes!” She pouted nuzzling against Adam’s neck as he gently rubbed her back. Boy did she miss him.

“Where’s mommy?” She pointed at me and he gestured me over. Once I got there he hugged me and kissed both my cheeks. “Boy was this a nice surprise.”

“Well my job needed someone to visit the NYC office. Got the work done there the last two days so we could see you today. Wanted to surprise you.” He reached over and fluffed up my hair playfully before bringing his attention back to Adaleigh.

“Adaleigh can you go back to mommy? Uncle Adam has to work now ok?”

“Are you singing?!?” Her eyes grew wide and a glow spread on her cheeks. She LOVED when she got to hear Adam sing sometimes it was the only way to get her to calm down enough to go to bed. There were MANY phone calls to Adam while he was away for him to sing her a goodnight song especially when she wasn’t feeling well.

“Yes peanut I am. You stay with mommy and you can hear me sing.”

“I love you.” She said her face full of smiles and her brunette waves hung low over her eyes. Adam smoothed back her hair with his fingertips giving her one of his radiant smiles before giving her a kiss.

“And I love you to the moon and back.”

In all the videos of him singing if you listened closely you could hear her tiny little voice belting out all the lyrics. A couple times even Adam almost lost his composure while singing. After the show was done being taped he invited us to go to a late breakfast with him. Adaleigh had her favorite, scrambled eggs, bacon and toast and paparazzi were outside the window attacking us with flashbulbs. I could tell Adam was getting annoyed because of the baby being there but she wasn’t fazed at all with it. She just sat there next to Adam chowing down on her food … she was such a good eater. Instead of focusing on eating, Adam was using the time to sign some autographs and do an interview with a magazine about a day in his life. Adaleigh kept calling Adam’s name and he was ignoring her since he was speaking to the interviewer. I was trying to get her to stop but she was damn stubborn.

“Uncle Adam excuse me please … LISTEN!!” He stopped the interview as everyone was laughing hysterically and he couldn’t even continue. When she realized she had his attention she continued. “Sing for me?”

“We’re at lunch Adaleigh … I can’t. How about later ok?”

“No, sing now please?” You’re the bestest Uncle Adam ...” She gave her puppy dog eyes and Adam let out a defeated sigh. He was no match for her cuteness. Quietly he leaned down and started singing ‘Better Than I Know Myself’ to her as she sat there beaming. Hearing him sing always made her the most at ease. My little family wasn’t perfect by any means but it was mine and I wouldn’t have it any other way.


	28. He Was Crazy For You

**April 4 th 2013**

I woke up in an unfamiliar house not knowing where I was. All I knew was I was alone and feeling completely uneasy about the whole situation. I grabbed at the phone in my pocket hoping for clues and neither Adam nor Sauli’s numbers were there. As I looked around I noticed there wasn’t any sign of Adaleigh.

“Adaleigh?!?”

I got up frantically searching the small apartment I was in. There was no sign of her … but if she wasn’t here where was here? I saw a laptop next to me and I quickly booted it up. When I saw the date was April 4th 2013 I was even more confused. The last thing I remembered it was Trespassing release day. My Facebook popped up and I instantly realized that this ‘life’, for lack of a better term, with Adam was over. Slowly my memories of MY life started seeping back into my head. For whatever reason though there had been a time jump. What exactly had been changed, where was I and did I have anyone? Before doing research on FB I went to make a post and I pulled up the location to find out that for whatever reason I was in San Diego. My Aunt Jamie lived in San Diego but this definitely wasn’t her house. Scrolling through my Facebook there was a mixture of people who I didn’t recognize and people I did. I kept scrolling looking for Keegan but he was nowhere to be found. I searched for his name and realized we weren’t friends. I hesitated clicking on the ‘add friend’ button then finally said the hell with it and did. In my notifications were people asking if I was going to come home for some event. I never really talked to them in high school they were more Keegan’s friends than mine so I was confused as to why they were contacting me. It didn’t take long for me to realize I needed to go back home. I selected the first flight back to Dayton and had a cab pick me up. As soon as my flight landed I made my way to Keegan’s house. It was 10pm and I hoped they were still awake. I knocked on the front door and a few moments later his mom answered.

“Emmalyn … it’s so good to see you sweetheart.” I walked inside and she gave me a huge hug gesturing toward to the couch. “Take a seat. Do you want something to drink I just made lemonade?”

“Mmm my favorite … that would be great thanks.”

While she was gone I walked over inspecting the photos of Keegan on the mantle. They were all the same as I remembered except the one in his cap and gown and one of us that was taken at the Adam concert. When she walked back in the room I was holding that picture.

“That’s one of my favorites …” She whispered her footsteps clicking on the hardwood floor behind me.

“Kathy where is Keegan … is he home?”

My question was answered with the shattering of the glass on the hardwood the lemonade pooling in the spot. Immediately I turned around and saw Kathy standing there looking horrified.

“Emmalyn … you don’t know?”

“Know what?” My heart started to pound in my chest and she quickly ushered me to the couch making me sit. When she joined me and I saw her face I knew what she was about to say was not going to be good.

“Emmalyn … Keegan passed away 6 months ago. I thought you knew. I know you weren’t really talking and I thought that’s why you didn’t come … to the funeral.

“NO! No he … he can’t be …” Tears spilled and my chest tightened every fiber of me hurt to breathe. Kathy sat next to me and held me as I cried. Here was a mother who lost her son consoling me … it should’ve been the other way around. “What happened?” I choked out my words raspy and ragged.

“They don’t know for sure. Single vehicle accident, no drugs or alcohol in his system. He was a different boy once you both stopped talking. Then when you suddenly moved the beginning of May he lost it. Mostly kept to himself and was so quiet. We think he was on his way to/from somewhere when the accident happened. We don’t know if an animal ran out in the road or if … Emmalyn I’m so sorry if I knew nobody told you I would’ve found a way to get in touch with you.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. In a way this had to be like reliving all of this all over again.

“I’m so sorry Kathy … I wish I would’ve been here.” I pulled her into a hug and held her tight for a moment before pulling away.

“Thank you for that … the community really came together to help me.”

“I’ve missed him so much. I was expecting him to come barreling out of his room when he realized I was here and give me the biggest hugs like he used to …” I sniffled remembering how he was always so sweet. How no matter what was going on he could always make my day seem 100% better.

“He loved you so much Emmalyn … that boy was CRAZY for you. He was so afraid to tell you.” Looking back now everything was so obvious how could I have missed it? I was so very stupid … he loved me, like 100% loved me. Here I spent all this time trying to find the perfect guy and it was him. The metallic taste of blood spilled into my mouth as I bit down on my lip a little too hard. I just sat there numb unable to even form the words needed to construct sentences. After a while Kathy spoke up again breaking the deafening silence. “I didn’t really win those Adam tickets Keegan lied about that. He busted his butt from the day he found out about it and made just enough for your seats. There were cheaper ones farther away but he wanted you as close as he could get … to the tune of $375. I told him he was crazy but he was determined. He always used to tell me that your smile would make his darkest day brighter. That there was something magical about it … that it was like the sun. He wanted to give you the world … he would’ve given you the world. That necklace he made you, he made all these different tests to get it perfect. I happened to walk past his room when he was making a wish on the finished product. It was that he wanted you to get everything you wished for, that even your wildest dreams came true. Even if that meant that he wasn’t in your life … that he would give up having you if it meant you had your dreams.”

“I never meant to break it …” I sobbed feeling like a complete stupid idiot.

“He fixed it … he kept it around his neck pretty much 24/7 after you left.”

My head perked up at the thought of being able to have it again. “Do you have it? Or did you bury him with it?”

“No … he wasn’t wearing it when we found him. Haven’t been able to find it ANYWHERE. We’re actually having a memorial tomorrow … we’re walking to where the accident happened. I would love for you to join us if you would like to.”

“I would love to. Where was the accident?”

“Off of Blackmill Road. Still don’t know why he was out there.” My breath caught in my throat and my face turned ghost white. Kathy noticed and grabbed my arm. “Emmalyn does that mean something to you?”

“Yes … that’s by where we met.” The thought of him going to OUR spot even after what happened crushed my heart. He didn’t deserve the way I treated him. He deserved so much better …

“Do you think he might have gone there? Did you go there often?”

“All the time. We’d bike out there and go to our secret spot and just relax there. That’s why our shoes were often wet when we came back from a bike ride.”

“His sneakers were damp when they found his body. I just thought it was because it was a little rainy. … Do you think that’s where he was?”

“I do … Can I use your phone? I better get going I’m going to get a room at the hotel if I’m staying for the memorial and I need to call a cab.

“You’ll do no such thing, stay here. You’re the only one I’d let stay in his room. Head up there if you want I better get sleep tomorrow will be a long day”

“Thank you Kathy … I just wish I was there.”

“You’re here now and that’s all that matters. Goodnight sweetheart.” She walked over hugging me and rubbing my back for a full minute before going in the kitchen to grab a towel to clean up the mess.

Slowly I made my way up to Keegan’s room. I paused for a moment at the door before slowly walking inside. Everything was just how he left it, hoodie draped on the end of the bed, a pair of sweats strewn on the floor. The smell of his cologne wafted up into my nose as I laid down on his bed. Grabbing the hoodie I snuggled it in my arms and sobbed … how could he be gone? The next day was a blur of people showing up and gathering in the living room. I had spent most of it up in Keegan’s room, it was the place I felt closest to him. The hours we had spent here together were forever etched in my brain and photos of the 2 of us covered a cork board I had given him for his 16th birthday. Right at 5 minutes before we were set to leave I walked downstairs and was shocked to see the amount of people there. No lie there had to be 200 people there between the living room and the front yard. They had used the neighborhood park for parking and some were still walking over. I definitely wasn’t a huge fan of crowds and almost ran until Kathy, sensing my anxiety, grabbed my hand holding it tight. Together we started the 2 ½ mile walk toward Blackmill Road. About an hour later we got there and they had the road blocked off for us. Everyone stood there and Kathy stood there giving a speech. While everyone was distracted I walked down an embankment and down the road a bit. There was a small river that ran coming from a rock formation. I had discovered that there was a small cave like structure behind a small waterfall. It was tricky to get to but it was a decent sized space that was quiet and peaceful. Hesitantly I used stones along the sides to cross and get to the waterfall. You had to slink along the wall to get behind and then move vines that completely covered the entrance. On the day I met Keegan I had rode my bike down here and had started playing by the river. I had a basket of food with me and accidentally knocked it into the river. It had gotten caught up in the current and taken back to where the waterfall was. When I went back to get it I slipped and fell in the opening. Keegan was in there reading and immediately got up to see if I was ok. Most boys would’ve chased a girl out of ‘their’ secret spot but instead he invited me in with open arms. From that day on we were completely inseparable. The second I got back there I sat down on a boulder that we had used as a chair all these years. Listening to the steady pouring of the water it almost felt like he was there next to me. Looking down on the floor at my feet the damp footprints of my flip-flops littered the dirt. Along the wall I saw all the dates we had etched on the wall. Every time we went here we added the date to the wall. My eyes scanned the list and then I saw it etched on the bottom of all the others … 10/5/12 the day he died. He was coming here, he DID come here. My hands brushed the cold etching and memories came flooding back. Suddenly I remembered that we had crafted a secret slot to leave messages for each other by removing a loose portion of the rock in the back of the cave. Once you moved it, it was able to be placed back in place once you added what you wanted. We had even bought one of those metal boxes you put important documents in to protect from fire/water damage to leave the messages in. Scrambling to my feet I felt along the wall looking for the edge of the space. I found it and pulled out the box. As soon as I grabbed it I could hear something moving inside. After taking a deep breath I opened it and sitting there was the necklace and a letter address to me. I ran my fingers over the smooth surface amazed that you couldn’t even tell it had been broken. If only relationships were that easily fixed … To be completely honest there was a small part of me that didn’t want to read it, that was scared of what it contained. It was pretty light yet thanks to the gaps above in the rock. They weren’t big enough to fit down or anything, not that anyone would climb to the top of the rocks anyway, but they were enough that it was never really that dark except back where our ‘chair’ was so it stayed dry. Carefully I opened and slowly began to read the letter.

_Emmalyn,_

_I hope one day you find this. That you come back home and driving by remember all our memories here and come back down for old times sake. I don’t know if I’ll be here then or not but if I am I hope we say hi. Hell maybe I’ll even have the courage to tell you I’m in love with you. Well there … I guess I just said it. I love you Em and I’m so truly sorry for the way things ended. I was never able to apologize … you never gave me the chance. That night was supposed to be perfect, it should’ve been perfect. Fate is a tricky thing it seems she gives only what is meant to happen leaving no explanations. Not answering questions, just giving … and taking away. If it’s time nothing can stop something meant to happen. You never know the cards you’ll be dealt. You can try to build your hand as best as you can but there will always be surprises along the way. You always gave me surprises Em. You brought so much joy and happiness to my life. We aren’t perfect not by a long shot but I truly believe we were perfect every time we were together. I would rather die than be without you. My eyes grow tired as I write this and as hard as I try I cannot feel most anything anymore but the awful ache in my heart that burns so bad sometimes I can’t breathe. I heard that it takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart. So if you find this come find me. Fix my broken mess of a heart and make me feel again. I know that I’m not all that special but I do know that the best portion of my life was every damn moment I spent with you. Keep smiling my sweet Emmalyn and find me ok? I’ll wait for you <3 –Keegs_

My body collapsed against the wall and I wailed clutching the necklace tightly in my hands.

“I’m so sorry Keegan … I love you, I need you. Please don’t let me be alone … I can’t be alone.” I shouted my voice wavering, broken beyond repair.

The musty smell from the water filled the air making my lungs heavy. Why would this happen … how could this happen? I heard people calling for me but I ignored them and somehow managed to cry myself to sleep.


	29. It's Always Been You

When I woke up I felt blankets on me and from behind closed eyes I immediately figured that Kathy had found me and taken me back to the house. It didn’t smell like Keegan’s room though … it smelled like … mine. I opened my eyes to find myself in my bedroom … my actual perfect bedroom. Quickly I got up touching everything to make sure that it was all real … and it was. I grabbed my phone to find out that it was the day after the fight. I could fix this, I could make everything ok. Quickly I got dressed and biked over to Keegan’s house. He deserved the biggest apology in the world. We had a small bucket of ping pong balls at each other’s houses to throw at our bedroom windows if we didn’t have our phones on or didn’t want to call. I started pinging them at his bedroom window which was partially open.

“Keegan I know you’re home your car is in the driveway. Please come down …”

A few moments later the front door opened but it was Kathy and not Keegan standing there.

“He’s not home Emmalyn …. he took off on his bike about an hour ago.”

I stopped chucking the balls and walked over to where she was.

“Do you know where he was going?”

“He had to make a couple stops first but then he was heading to your house.”

After quickly thanking her, I took off at top speed and found his bike laying down in my front yard. There were flower petals leading from the front door to the backyard and I could hear the pinging of the balls on the closed back window to my room. I got off my bike and headed around back slowly. He saw me and went to speak but I ran over throwing myself into his arms holding him as tightly as possible.

“Emmalyn, I’m so sorry for …” I didn’t give him the chance to finish as I kissed his lips to shut him up. He pulled away with this confused flabbergasted expression which was THE cutest ever. “Em …?”

“I’ve been so stupid. All this time searching for the perfect guy and it’s you … it’s always been you. I’m so sorry Keegs … I’m so sorry.” I looked him in the eyes and behind them I could see this timid little boy with his first crush. He was blushing and getting all shy and nervous.

“No … don’t be. I love you Emmalyn … I never thought I’d get the courage to say it but I love you.” He wrung his hands in nervousness before finally looking me in the eyes and giving me one of his gorgeous smiles.

“I love you too.”

His lips were so soft as I brought mine back to his. Snaking my hands around to the back of his head I tenderly caressed his hair amazed he was alive … that he was breathing and I was holding him in my arms. We ended up curled up on the couch half watching some show on TV. He was lazily running his fingers through my hair when I spoke up.

“Your mom didn’t win those tickets … did she? I checked the winners list. Thanks Keegs …”

He signed nervously looking down. “I never wanted you to find out. You’re worth it Em … you’re worth that and more. I have something else to confess … I sent in your application for NYCDA.”

“You didn’t …” I stiffed up my heart pounding panicked. He gently placed his hand on my shoulder gently rubbing it.

“Em you’re good … like REALLY good. They have open auditions in Cleveland next weekend. I signed you up and I’ll take you. You deserve to follow your dream. If you get in I’ll go up there with you … we’ll get an apartment off campus and …” He noticed the look on my face and drifted off mid-sentence.

“You’ve given this a lot of thought … but what about your dream? What about medical school?”

“I wanted to wait to tell you but I was accepted into NYU School of Medicine.” He gave me a sly smile and I threw my arms around him squeezing him like crazy.

“No way!! Congratulations I’m so proud of you! I thought you were picking a school closer to home though?”

“My home is wherever I’m with you …” He whispered nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck resting it there peacefully.


	30. Have We Met Before

**2 years later**

The streets were filled with the constant sounds of the traffic and people but I had grown to love it. I hated the silence now … it was deafening. Two blocks away was my favorite coffee shop and I smiled seeing a familiar face sitting at one of the outdoor tables. Walking up from behind, I kissed his cheek a smile forming on his face.

“Hey Keegs how was your class?” I sat down on the chair opposite and stacked my books on the table next to me.

“Long but ok. I probably won’t be home till late I have to go to the library to get a couple books and do some research after class. How was your dance class?”

I let out a sigh rubbing my temples in annoyance my stress level was through the roof. “Ms. June was a bitch as usual. I swear that woman has it out for me or something. Someone told her I got a call back for Elphaba and words were said. She doesn’t believe I’m good enough, or that I can even do it.” Keegan sighed and rubbed my arm gently.

“Em you are and you will. I have to get back to campus but here’s your vanilla latte and here’s a donut with extra sprinkles. I thought you would need it today.”

“You’re the best I swear. I’m so damn lucky to have you. I love you SO much …”

“I love you too Em.”

One last kiss and he was gone. We didn’t see each other much on Tuesdays and Thursdays so we always met here for a few minutes at least. It was definitely better than not seeing him at all till late. As I was drinking my coffee I wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on around me. So many things were swirling around in my head I didn’t even know where to start. Suddenly I felt like someone was staring at me and then a voice spoke up out of nowhere breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Excuse me, this is going to sound really weird but have we met before? You look so familiar to me.” The voice alone was familiar but I couldn’t place it. When I looked up to see who it was I was in shock … it was Adam. I wanted to hug him and never let go but I couldn’t.

“No, we haven’t but it’s definitely a pleasure Adam.” I smiled warmly at him trying to keep my composure.

“OH you’re one of my berts aren’t you? Are you active on twitter? Maybe that’s where I recognize you from?”

“Yeah I tweet, so maybe that’s it.”

He nervously shifted from one foot to the other scraping them against the pavement as he did. “Well it’s very nice to meet you now, I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

“No you didn’t bother me, not at all.”

He smiled nervously and was about to leave when he noticed the script for Wicked on top of the book pile next to me.

“Oh Wicked?!? Are you trying out for a part?” His eyes and face lit up like a Christmas tree and he slid out the chair across from me sitting on the edge of it to talk.

“Yeah I got a call back for Elphaba on Broadway.”

“Wow congratulations. When is it?” He seemed SO excited for me and even if he truly wasn’t it still made me feel so special.

“Tomorrow … I was hoping my boyfriend would run lines with me tonight but I just found out he won’t be home till late.”

He paused a moment looking at his watch. “Well … my meeting for today got cancelled so if you want I can run lines with you. I’m sure you know how much that musical means to me. Just not here …”

“I’d be honored … really I would. My apartment isn’t far from here if you feel comfortable. I mean I love you and your music but I’m not one of those crazies … nowhere near it.”

He laughed and nodded pulling his baseball cap low as we walked the few blocks. The apartment wasn’t very big but it was clean and vermin free. As I sat there with him it was amazing how comfortable he was. It was like he knew everything that had happened in my dream. He must’ve sat there with me 5 hours running lines and just chatting. Toward the end of the 5 hours, the door opened and Keegan walked in shock immediately filling his face.

“Wow … hi Adam. How did this happen?”

“He saw me at the café and offered to run lines with me. Adam this is Keegan … my boyfriend.”

“We’ve been talking about you I’m glad we could meet again. You got yourself one talented girl right here she’s going to be a star. What time is your callback tomorrow Emmalyn?”

“It’s at 11:45am.”

“I’m going to try and make it. Or do you think my being there would just make you more nervous?” He looked at me concerned and it was just the cutest thing. He was even more precious in person.

“No I would be honored … thank you again for running lines with me. Your pointers really helped.” I smiled rubbing my arm anxiously. 

“I’m glad … well I better get going I have a ticket to see Hedwig tonight. You’ve accepted my friend request already right?”

I nodded and he gave me a heartwarming hug. Then just like that he was gone. Joy filled my face and I just held Keegan jumping up and down.

“I’m so happy for you right now babe. So happy that my wish finally came true for you.”

He smiled and pulled the pendant he made from behind my shirt. It seemed like a dream or whatever I had been thru was but it wasn’t and all I had to do was open my friend’s list on Facebook to prove it to myself. Boy was I lucky.


	31. New Broadway Superstar

**3 months later**

I got off the stage and took a deep breath. For my first performance I thought I did pretty well. Keegan wasn’t able to be there because his dick of a professor for his 3 hour Thursday night class scheduled a major test for tonight coincidentally days after he found it this was to be my opening night. He was going to bail on it but it was ¼ of his grade so I told him not to. It wasn’t like there wasn’t going to be tons of opportunities. I walked to my dressing room, which still weirded me out having my name on a door, and walked inside to start the laborious process of removing all the green makeup. When I walked inside there stood Keegan all dressed up with 2 dozen roses.

“But … how?” I smiled wrapping my arms around him trying to avoid smearing the green makeup on his shirt.

“I missed the first half but I got here during intermission. You were amazing baby. I’m so very proud of you. Bummed I missed ‘Defying Gravity’ but there is NOTHING that’s going to stop me from seeing every last minute tomorrow night. I promise you that.”

My arms wrapped around him and I gave him a kiss. A knock at the door surprised me and it wasn’t until the man stepped inside and took off his disguise that I realized who it was.

“Adam?!?” He hastily walked the distance over to me pulling me into a tight hug with a huge smile.

“You were AMAZING out there. I’m so proud of you. Hi Keegan.” Adam reached out his hand to shake Keegan’s and then pulled him into a quick hug.

“Thank you for coming to support Em.”

“Yes Adam thank you it really means a lot to me. How the hell did you pull it off?” He smirked at me leading back on one of the stools that was lining the wall next to where I was standing.

“Been so busy in the studio so I’ve been quiet anyway. Took a red-eye this morning here and I went right to my hotel. Developed a bit of a disguise because some glamberts had tickets for tonight in case I decided to show. You know you’re quite the talk of the fandom right now.” He chuckled lightly poking me in the arm.

“Oh yes SO many twitter notifications. But I’m so thankful. We’re having a small party back at the apartment if you’re interested in joining?”

“I’d love to sweetie but my flight leaves in 3 hours. Just did a little quick trip to see you. Have to be back in the studio tomorrow afternoon.”

“Awe you didn’t have to do that … really. Thank you.” Knowing that he came JUST for me was enough to make me feel like the luckiest person in the world. I had two of the most amazing guys in my life … how did I get so lucky?!?

“Not a problem sweetheart … I do want some pictures with you though.”

“Selfie!”

He laughed and took a few pics of us together. With a couple air kisses he was gone letting me finally take off the makeup. By the time we got back home I was exhausted but I drank a glass of wine and chatted with our friends for a while. After an hour I excused myself and escaped to the darkness of our bedroom. I couldn’t believe all my dreams, even the craziest ones came true. How lucky I was, was further cemented with a tweet alert on my phone. A smile crossed my face as I saw the picture collage and I laid the phone down curling up under the covers with the picture still displayed on the screen.

_@adamlambert: On my way back home after a quick NYC trip to see @xBeautifulDisasterx’s opening night playing Elphaba in Wicked. I’m so proud of her. She’s such a positive determined spirit and I’m so thankful and happy our paths crossed and that her dream is coming true. Love you Emmalyn #KeepKnockingEmDead #NewBroadwaySuperstar <3 _


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